BOB BROWN'S GOT ME BY THE BALLS

By Julia Gillard

What the hell has happened to the new paradigm?
It’s now Labor & the Greens, new partners in crime
It’s been one of politics most bizarre spectacles
And Bob Brown’s got a firm grip on my testicles!

I can’t make a move without Bob’s confirmation
Any sudden moves could lead to my immediate castration
He’s all about spending, no more budget cuts
And he’s intensifying his vice-like grip on my nuts!

I feel powerless even though I’m the Prime Minister
And Bob and his Green cult appear evil and sinister
As Bob’s clan gather around & worship him like a totem
His knuckles turn white due to his grip on my scrotum!

He’s played me into a position of impuissance
And whenever he speaks I’m forced to sit down and listen
I have to shmooze up to him & pretend that we’re besties
But the closer I get intensifies his grip on my testes!

I’d embraced Bob’s latest demand before I could say ‘pardon’?
Now I’m committed to putting a price on carbon
Any retreat now would make me look extremely foolish
Yet another example of Bob’s grasp of my goolies!

My colleagues realise that I’m a slave to the Greens
And our re-election hopes are blown to smithereens
But I’m unable to respond, I cannot take their calls
And it’s all because Bob Brown’s got me by the balls!

The people are angry Ms Gillard

Get into the real world, Ms Gillard
And stop putting pressures on the cost of living
Watching you systematically destroy our economy
Is a source of great misgiving

Already cost-of-living pressures are escalating
Under this irrational Labor dominion
Get your head out of the ground ignoramus
And sense the mood and the public opinion

Trying to justify this great big new tax
As the “responsible thing to do”
Is dishonest and cynical and misleading
And respresents a deluded point of view

Just because you cannot balance your books
And you’ve completely destoyed the budget
Doesn’t give you a mandate to tax us more
You’re no more than Bob Brown’s duteous puppet

So as you look down your nose at detractors
Know this: the people are angry, you’ll see
And your dishonest and irrational tax
Won’t decrease temperatures by a single degree

So you can try to deflect the attention
Away from your own incoherent behaviour
By branding the Liberals as “racist” and “appalling”
But the jaundiced media won’t be your saviour

Because you’ve lied to the people who matter
The electorate who’ll decide your fate
They’re the ones who will send you packing
Because they’re shocked, confused and irate

And as you career down the path of stupidity
With this irrational plan for CO2 reduction
All you’ll witness with a dishonest new tax
Is your very own career destruction

Yet another new tax from Labor
That’s 13 new taxes in just 1200 days
Such wasteful and amateurish governance
Leading to much anxiety, ire and malaise

The people are angry Ms Gillard
Because you’ve already wasted so much
And your status as a liar and spin merchant
Remains firmly intact, untouched

All I need is the air that you breathe

What has happened to our great country
In the past 1200 days?
Since Labor swept into power
And went about their destructive ways

With an economy the envy of the world
And a budget in tip-top shape
It wasn’t long before the Labor vultures
Began to pillage and rape

Using the guise of the GFC
To justify their reckless spending
Rudd & Gillard stirred up a frenzy
“We’ll save you, as the world is ending”

Sending out $900 cheques in the mail
And putting pink batts in people’s ceilings
School halls costing millions of dollars
Irresponsible and irrational dealings

Before you knew it the surplus was spent
And we’d spiralled into billions of debt
Then it was time for Labor to start taxing again
“Spend & tax”: it’s a sure-fire Labor bet

Rudd’s head rolled ,as Gillard took over
The house of cards was falling apart
Rudd was ‘all talk no action’
And made spin & lies a work of art

But a change of leader did not disguise
The incompetence and the waste
Gillard, a proven incompetent hack,
And a champion of bad taste

With Bob Brown by her side
His hand firmly adjusting her strings
These idiots would only be happy if humans are extinct
Oh the insanity this government brings

How do they recover billions of wasted dollars
Before the electorate starts to seethe?
They look for new options to tax people:
"Let’s tax the air that you breathe"

BIG FAT LIES WILL CUT YOU DOWN TO SIZE

“There will be no carbon tax under my government”
A comment assertive and unambiguous
“I will introduce a price on carbon next year”
A lie so grand, so dishonest and duplicitous

“It’s just hysteria stirred up by the opposition”
Was Swan’s clear and decisive remark
“This is the right thing to do” he now says
About the enormous tax on which he’s about to embark

Bob Brown, whose party won just one seat in the House
Stands tall and proud at the podium
With his deputy Julia by his side
He’s an image bound to incite odium

We have a liar as our Prime Minister
Inept, incompetent and dishonourable
She is a disgrace to the highest office in the land
As her behaviour becomes increasingly intolerable

A slave to the Greens, a slave to the factions
She’s modern Labor to a tee
A trail of debt & destruction in just 3.5 years
This shemozzle must stop, ASAP

To stand in front of this nation
And to speak with such brazen dishonesty
To say she doesn’t want to play ‘word games’
Is just cynical and corrupt polity

Cost of living pressures are hurting families
As Labor can’t manage the economies of scale
Labor’s solution to the pressures we face?
To tax the air we breathe in and exhale

Big fat lies will cut you down to size
Gillard, we’re sick of your blatant knavery
You and your party are gutless and inept
You lack dignity, honesty and bravery

A USEFUL IDIOT

How often can one man be wrong
Before his credibility ends up in the toilet?
His ‘expert’ opinion falls flat once again
But don’t let repeated failures spoil it…

At what stage will people start to ignore
This ‘expert’ who thinks he knows best?
That this “Weather Maker” is a scare mongerer
Just feathering his own nest

Somehow passed off as an expert on climate
When in fact he’s just a mammologist
This guru has wormed his way into our psyche
As a leading Global Warming apologist

Yet for an ‘expert’ his track record’s disastrous
A long list of discredited predictions
Flying all over the world to spread his false words
The man is full of lies and contradictions

His forecasts of gloom have fallen exceedingly flat
Saying dams would be empty in years
But with over 70% water supply nationally
His credibility quickly disappears

“Adelaide will run out of water
By the year 2009”
At 77% dam capacity
This fool should cease to opine

And Brisbane’s dams are bursting at the seams
After rains he said we’d never again witness
You can’t help but question this ‘experts’ veracity
His knowledge, his credentials and mental fitness

“Build desal plants” he boldly instructed
“To protect against dangerous global warming”
They’re now in mothballs or under water
Billions wasted by Labor Governments blindly conforming

His mate Ruddy gave him $90 million
To support his ‘geodynamics’ obsession
But that all ended up being a lot of hot air
Yet another failure, another indiscretion

Perth would become a “ghost metropolis”
And human civilisation would have to start from scratch
“We must stop burning these nasty fossil fuels
Sorry, I’ve got another plane to catch…”

“Major cities will be under water
The Arctic will be without ice
Sea waters will rise and islands will drown”
Who one earth would seek this man’s advice?

He likes to surround himself with like-minded fools
So I suppose it came as no surprise then, didn’t it?
That as Gillard prepares to introduce her big new green tax
Flannery’s been hired to be her useful idiot

The government pays this fraudster
To play to people's worst fears
But admits any useless carbon tax
Would do nothing for 1000 years!

GOTCHA

A man stands accused of a horrible act
It’s there, it’s on tape, an indisputable fact
The man is a disgrace, an ‘insensitive’ fool
He’s ashamedly broken the golden rule

The man really should be run out of town
For being such an inconsiderate clown
For using the death of a digger for political gain
For grabbing a headline at the cost of others pain

Stuck for words for his disgraceful behaviour
Searching for excuses, searching for a saviour
Unsure how to react and find the right words to say
The man stares down the camera a look of dismay

Forced to explain his actions, and rightly so
This sad exhibition should be a career-ending blow
All credibility gone, a long career suddenly rotten
This act of bastardry will not be forgotten

This ‘gotcha’ moment grabbed headlines everywhere
As the man was caught completely unaware
Unaware his words & actions would cause such outrage
And cause so many people to disengage

This man is a disgrace to his occupation
A disgrace to himself, a disgrace to the nation
To sink to such lows, to be so inconsiderate
To act in such a way, so callous, so deliberate

To stand there with arrogance, so holier than thou
Unable to say ‘why’? Unwilling to explain ‘how?’
Shit happens, I suppose, but this is out of place
Such behaviour deserves a smack in the face

We expect much better of people in public positions
Particularly the media and respect for politicians
Will this man apologise? I doubt very highly,
The man is a disgrace. The man is Mark Riley.

HE IS BACK

Watch the clocks but don’t answer the phone
Give the dog a pat and a big meaty bone
Twinkle the piano and bang the drum
The blog is back, let Bolta come.

Let aeroplanes buzz above in pitch black
Scribbling on the sky the message
He is Back.
Put down your coffee and tap on the keys,
Send Andrew a message, say what you please.

The blog is my North, my South, my East and West,
There are other blogs, but Bolta’s is best.
His insights are lyrical, like music & song
I was worried he’d be gone forever:
I was wrong.

Piers & Tim are not needed now, it’s been fun,
Andrew’s as bright as the moon, as brilliant as the sun ,
As strong as the ocean, producing the goods:
Showing that under Labor nothing can come to any good.

With utmost respect to W.H.Auden
http://homepages.wmich.edu/~cooneys/poems/auden.stop.html