I NEARLY FELL OFF MY CHAIR!

Bill Shorten on 7.30, what a funny bloke

I really enjoyed his side-splitting joke
His straight face defied his jocularity
And may explain his latent popularity

A politician with humour is a genuine novelty
This guy is a very talented at dry wit & comedy
He delivered his punchline without a trace of a snigger
Which made the brilliance of his gag even bigger

He said a few funny things many and various
But one joke in particularly was exquisitely hilarious!
It still make me giggle, it still gives me shivers
He said “This government under promises and over delivers”

Did he really say “Under promise and over deliver”?!
About this useless mob which has sold us down the river
They continue to treat us as if we’re all stupid
Whilst their record in government has been putrid

They say a good laugh is a perfect remedy
And Shorten is now the ‘King of Comedy’
His humour appeals to the ordinary folk
And his entire government is an ordinary joke!

How can he get away with such a blatant furphy?
This guy is even funnier than Eddie Murphy
I laughed out loud and punched the air
And I fair dinkum nearly fell off my chair!

The 'Comedy' Channel here:
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2011/s3183189.htm

Shorten's actual joke:
"I think our party is a very strong party. I think the way this Labor Party does well is by under-promising and over delivering".
Champagne comedy!

WATER & BAKED BEANS

You’ve been the Treasurer for nearly 4 years Wayne
And you’ve made us endure more than our fair share of pain
From wasteful and reckless spending you could not refrain
And your attempts to balance the books are legerdemain

But all we hear from you is one excuse after the next
And your lies and deceit are getting more and more complex
The budget blow out and debt levels leave us perplexed
I bet you wish you hadn’t written all those blank cheques

In ’07 when you took over from Costello
The budget was in great shape apropos
But any fiscal rectitude you did quickly forego
With the GFC panic you thought “here we go”

You got just the excuse you needed to go on a spending spree
And demonstrated immediately that you’re an economic trainee
Spend, spend, spend, ASAP
Ignore the opposition’s advice to ‘wait and see’

“Go hard and go early” was the ALP creed
“We’ll send you free money in your hour of need”
Not only did you misappropriate, but you did misread
And spending and borrowing did greatly exceed

12 years of fine governance and financial brilliance
Saw Australia show the world economic resilience
After Howard & Costello overcame many a hindrance
Your mismanagement’s been an incredible difference

All the money is gone and we’re in massive debt
And we haven’t even seen the worst of it yet
‘The Goose’ has become your very own sobriquet
Thanks to the ‘gang of four’, that infamous quartet

What a useless bunch were you, Rudd, Gillard & Tanner
Into the works you threw the world’s biggest spanner
And you, as the treasurer, were the very worst planner
As you destroyed the economy in no uncertain manner

A budget blow out the size of which we’ve never seen
And a level of debt the likes of which there’s never been
As families struggle to survive on water and baked beans
You’ve taken taxpayers money and spent beyond your means

So now we must all pay for your panic and haste
And be handed a tough budget thanks to your waste
Any trust we had in your ability was sorely misplaced
And you leave in our mouths a very bitter taste

Your wasteful ineptitude makes us grind an axe
It’s spend, spend, spend, then tax, tax, tax
If Gillard an ounce of gumption she’d give you the sack
And only when you are gone can we all relax

You’re like watching a train crash in slow motion
Despite your shortcomings, you’ve weathered the commotion
How do you survive the lack of confidence motion?
And not just survive, but you got a promotion!

Unbelieveable…..

                                

THE TOP 10 (Best)

Politicians must be judged on their honesty and conviction
Character traits which separate the fact from the fiction
And nobody rates higher than Tony Abbott on those two criteria
At the next federal election he’ll banish Gillard & Labor to Siberia!

 
 
 

There’s so much depth in the coalition, with many an up and coming ace
And Scott Morrison is a stand out and sets a cracking pace
Smart, concise, on topic, always presenting a strong case
Could he be a future Prime Minister in the making: watch this space!


People who bring passion to their profession get top marks in my opinion
And nobody’s fights more passionately to regain the Coaliton’s dominion
Than Christopher Pyne, and you’d underestimate him at your own peril
Judge him on how he exposes his Labor opponents as rapacious and feral




This next one fascinates me because, frankly, he doesn’t present too well
He’s scruffy and unkempt, but any trepidation you have he’s quick to dispel
Because he’s as sharp as a tack and strategically at the top of this job
Intelligent, rational, sensible: thy name is Andrew Robb





A politician gets full marks from me for sticking to his guns
Especially when the ferocious response of the Labor party stuns
For stating the concerns of many people he’s accused of ‘Race Baiting’
Bravo Cory Bernardi for standing up against Labor’s spite & hating

In these days of Labor spin and lies and acts of treason
It’s refreshing to hear an intelligent argument based on facts and reason
And nobody is more reasoned and calm and balanced than Greg Hunt
Such a welcome contrast to Labor’s rants & threats & lies & grunt


The Labor Party would lie to you and insist that lamb is mutton
So thank God for honest and credible politicians like Peter Dutton
The future leadership of the Liberals is something the party may bestow
On a modern day Liberal hero who rid us of Cheryl Kernot






Of course not all conservative politicians are balanced, reasoned and calm
For what they may lack in composure, they more than make up for with boyish charm
It’s great to hear the passion and the emotion in his voice
And a very worthy top 10 favourite is the one and only Barnaby Joyce





Every party needs an elder statesman, someone of great experience
Who won’t be bullied around and demonstrates reason and resilience
Eric Abetz is such a man and a personal favourite of mine
And with him in a leadership role you know the Coalition will be fine





Joe Hockey is an interesting one, as he stands for global warming
But he maintains a sense of humour even when the Labor bugs are swarming
Presents well to the man in the street and is popular and smart
It’s an absolute pleasure to watch him continually tear Wayne Swan apart




Honourable mentions: Bronwyn Bishop, Warren Truss, Kevin Andrews & George Brandis, 4 veterans who continue to uphold the virtues of Liberal / National Party Coalition, of fairness, personal freedoms, equal opportunity and small government.

THE TOP 10 (Worst)

What can I say about Julia that hasn’t been said before?
The voters at last year’s election tried hard to show her the door
She got fewer votes and won less seats than her opponent Tony Abbott
But she lied & bribed her way into office, as has become a Labor habit


 
 
 

 

The incompetent Wayne Swan, an embarrassment on the Treasury benches
Every policy or ‘reform’ this moron’s involved with, it ends up that it stenches
When God handed out charisma and credibility, Swan was at the end of the line
And despite record levels of debt and deficit, the bungler insists we’re fine!

 
 
   

Rob Oakeshott is not all there, seems there’s something amiss upstairs
That goofy grin, the verbose rants and those disturbing wide-eyed stares
His 17 minute speech typified his ego, when he could’ve just said “Labor is my choice”
And although we can’t stand the sight of him, he sure loves the sound of his own voice

Ah yes, Tony Windsor, the wind vane, a man only interested in his own survival
Depending what’s in it for him, you could be his ally and the next minute his rival
A bitterness within which burns deep, a vitriolic hatred for the Nationals & Joyce
He’ll be history for siding with Labor, ignoring his constituent’s conservative voice



Craig Emerson is an immature bully, a real nasty piece of work
Arrogant, spiteful, vindictive and mean, he really is a detestable jerk
Shady relationships in his recent past, having once shared Julia’s bed
But even she couldn’t stand to be with a man with so much nonsense inside his head




Then there’s the narcissist Kevin Rudd, such a sad and tragic man
His career was on an upward curve, just exactly as he did plan
PM of his country and jostling to be the Secretary of the UN
But Julia & Wayne knifed him in the back and he had to start all over again


 
 
 

But at least Kevin made it to the top and had his moment in the sun
Malcolm’s had much success in various fields, but political leadership isn’t one
Too easily manipulated by Rudd, he was afraid to take it up to the smarty
And with his own left-leaning agenda, some think he represents the wrong party

Where does one start with a succinct assessment of the arrogant Penny Wong?
Such a condescending and dishonest person, such misplaced confidence, she’s so often wrong
Made an absolute hash of trying to sell a CPRS deeply flawed and sinister
Now embarrassingly exposed once again as our incompetent Finance Minister

Stephen Conroy, the snake oil salesman, would spin tales to his very own mother
Trying to justify the wasteful NBN, any dissent he’ll just dismissively smother
Even though the coalition could deliver hi-speed internet at the cost of about a quarter
And as if he wasn’t flawed enough, he’s a bloody Collingwood supporter!

Rounding out the Top 10 of politicians who I find extremely aggravating
Is a woman who’s nasty mouth and patronising tone is extremely grating
She’s failed as a Health Minister, not even one single achievement to tell
It’s Nicola Roxon, not just unattractive to the eye, but to the ear as well







So that’s my choice of the Top 10 of those on the current political scene
Whose voice or mannerisms or actions I find annoying and obscene
From Julia to Nicola, and everybody in between
Such misfits and incompetents, are these the worst there’s ever been?

Special mention and unlucky to miss out:
Bill Shorten, Tanya Plibersek & Peter Garrett. Shorten & Plibersek because (like Gillard, Emerson & Wong) they have a great way of speaking down to people in a patronising, condescending manner and Garrett who was spared because I like Midnight Oil!
Bob Brown? I just don't take that idiot seriously. He's not deserving of a rating!

THE QUICK AND THE DEAD Part 3

Part 1: http://arthurmcarthurs.blogspot.com/2011/04/voices-in-her-head.html

Part 2: http://arthurmcarthurs.blogspot.com/2011/04/unholy-trinity.html

Part 3.

The tale of a woman who sold her soul and wants her money back!

The chronicle of a man on his life’s journey to the top.

The story of a divisive and dysfunctional political party caught in between.

The fable of 3 disjointed gunslingers whose true loyalties are soon exposed.

The joyous crowd carried Tony on their shoulders
As the modest victor tried to play down the fuss
But 3 gun slinging cowboys shoot their guns in the air
“Hey Tony, did you forget about us”?!

A surprised hush fell over the audience
They lowered their hero to the ground
As the 3 Amigos reloaded their weapons
You couldn’t hear a sound

The ‘T’ man surveyed the situation
The 3 Amigos were hell-bent on obstruction
He reached into the front of his speedos
And removed a weapon of mass destruction

“Look here boys” he said as he eyeballed the men
“What I have here will put a spanner in the works”
He gestured to the old grey bloke to stand next to him
“Come here Bob, step away from those jerks”

Katter put down his weapon and stood next to Tone
His conservative roots determined his decision
As Windsor and Oakeshott suddenly realised
The crowd was treating them with much derision

“What I have here in my hands Rob & Windsor
Is living proof of your betrayal you fools
It’s big and completely undeniable
And its call a mandate to rule”

And with that the crowd cheered with excitement
Because Tony had done it again
Exposed the traitors and double crossers
And belittled the 2 mercenary men

But despite the whack Tony had given them
Oakeshott & Windsor wouldn’t lie down quietly
So Bob said to Tony “Leave this one to me”
For an old bloke he remains quite spritely

Katter reached stealthily into this briefcase
And removed his 6 shooter with care
He aimed it an inch above the head of the 2 traitors
And offloaded two shots in the air

“Take that as a warning you traitors
The ‘T’ Man’s in charge of things now”
And with that a whimpering Windsor
Realised how much he’d mucked up, and how

And Oakeshott, for once, was speechless
He realised the electorate were unforgiving
He'd just seen Gillard carried out on a stretcher
And soon he’d be driving a taxi for a living

Windsor, the chameleon, mingled into the crowd
Who’d resumed their adoration for Tone
Katter hoisted him onto his shoulders
And carried him towards his new throne

And as the sun set that night in Australia
The end of a truly remarkable day
The crowd gathered around a tired Tony Abbott
To listen to what he would say

“People of Australia, I will give you strong leadership.
I will be courageous, strong and bold.
Now please get me my ‘Australia’ tracksuit
Because wearing speedos all day is damn cold”.

So ends this parable of this chapter in politics
The end of the worst government that’s ever been
Abbott heroically replacing Gillard & Brown
Because red and green should never be seen!

Finis.

AN UNHOLY TRINITY Part 2

Part 2.

The tale of a woman who sold her soul and wants her money back!

The chronicle of a man on his life’s journey to the top.

The story of a divisive and dysfunctional political party caught in between.

The fable of 3 disjointed gunslingers whose true loyalties are brought into question.

Through the door bursts a man in red speedos
His hairy chest bursting with pride
“If you want to be rid of this shemozzle
Vote with the conservative side”

“We won’t saddle up to the extremists
We won’t make sly pacts with the nuts
We’ll give you strong and decisive plans
And lead with conviction and guts”

Tony’s his name and he’s dedicated his life
To the betterment of those who are struggling
And he’s made a tough stance against bludgers
And rorts and waste and people smuggling

A man of true character and honour
Some say he’s to honest for his own good
Since when has honesty been a weakness?
That’s something I’ve never quite understood

As Gillard changes tack like the wind blows
Her personna directed by the latest poll
She muses and muddles and alters herself
While Tony displays poise and control

The vixen can take it no longer
The voices in her head drive her insane
She decides to pick fights with the Coalition
And the Greens who cause her much pain

So the 3 adversaries enter the ring
This unholy trinity must end once and for all
Let the public put an end to this farce
Get ready for a messy and bloody brawl

Labor goes hard with their typical tactics
Of lies and sleeze and false accusations
It’s nothing for them to kill their own
So much infighting and assassinations

The Greens struggle to fight the big boys
All their rhetoric quickly falls flat
Bob Brown bounces off the ropes a couple of times
But very quickly he falls flat on his back

But the ‘T’ Man remains strong and resolute
And calmly handles all that is thrown his way
And soon he has Gillard prostrate on the canvas
He body slams her and has this to say:

“You’re out for the count you 2 phoneys
We win! The public has had their say”
As Tony stands tall in his budgie smugglers
His ‘shit eating’ grin proudly on display!

The first aiders carry Julia & Bob away
As Tony waves to his adoring fans
The crowd is relieved that the nonsense is over
And Australia is back in safe hands.

"His shit eating grin proudly on display"

Part 3 here: http://arthurmcarthurs.blogspot.com/2011/04/quick-and-dead-part-3.html

THE VOICES IN HER HEAD Part 1

The tale of a woman who sold her soul and wants her money back!

The chronicle of a man on his life’s journey to the top.

The story of a divisive and dysfunctional political party caught in between.

The fable of 3 disjointed gunslingers whose only true loyalty is to themselves.

Part 1:

“The voices in my head say I’m crazy
Should I listen to them?
'Support the Greens’....’Rebut the Greens’
It’s hurting my brain stem”

In a moment of desperation
As she clung to her last hope
Gillard signed a deal with the devil
The Greens gave her enough rope…

Laying down with dogs
And waking up with fleas
Gillard’s shonky Labor Party
Has been brought to their knees

The Greens call the agenda
As Gillard has not got a clue
Bob Brown’s leading her a merry dance
A Green-inspired ‘Pas De Deux’

But the voices in her head get louder
The same voices responsible for
Her decision to thoughtlessly sign up to
A coalition she does now abhor

She’s backpedalling at a rate of knots
She’s reneging on her vows
Realising she’s lay down with dogs
Desperately trying now to delouse

The voices say “Call them extremists”
So Gillard gets stuck into the Greens
But the voters aren’t stupid Ms Gillard
Your support’s been blown to smithereens

Then the voices say “Keep the Greens close”
“You need Bob Brown by your side”
With Labor & the Greens in cahoots
Hold on tight! It’ll be one hell of a ride!

Gillard’s trying to walk both sides of the street
To appease polar opposite views
Her ‘progessives’ versus the Greens ‘extremists’
All she does is confound and confuse

The voices in her head argue amongst themselves
As they try to make sense of this sham
“I am Julia, the socialist conservative spinster”
“No...you’re not the real Julia...I am”.

Part 2 here: http://arthurmcarthurs.blogspot.com/2011/04/unholy-trinity.html