Tuesday, August 16, 2011

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Four)

Part Four (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd


The problem with making so many announcements
Is that it’s hard to keep up with the list
I’ve been so busy, my world fame makes me dizzy
No wonder punters are starting to get pissed

This ‘Climate Change’ thing’s a nightmare
As the Chinese “rat fu@ked” me in Copenhagen
I ask the big guy upstairs and hope he answers my prayers
Or I’ll quit the church and be a born-again pagan

‘God help me’ the façade’s falling apart
And Julia & Swanny are circling with intent
The CPRS I dump because I’m under the pump
But it’s not enough to appease the malcontent

My poll numbers start to go into freefall
And Abbott’s soon gained the upper hand
Swannie’s budget delivers another $41B black hole
Which proves more than anybody can stand

My attempts at appeasing the bleeding hearts of the left
By loosining border protection laws
Loses me heaps of votes, thanks to an influx of boats
And exposes yet more of my flaws

The debt’s blown out to almost $200 billion
And we haven’t got close to delivering a budget surplus
But I try to stay cool and paint Abbott as the fool
And nonchalantly ask “Hey, what’s all the fuss”?

“It might look easy out there in 7:30 land”
I aggressively blurt out at Kerry O’Brien
I’m feeling the stress, am I pressured? Oh yes,
To say otherwise you know I’d be lying

My one saving grace was Newspoll
But even that’s turned against me with spite
It gives Abbott a thrill to move in for the kill
I brace myself for one almighty fight

But the fight of my life’s not with Abbott
It’s with Julia and the faceless factional men
My own party’s turned, my reputation is burned
Things will never be the same again

I get Lachlan to rally the numbers
And ensure I’ve got everybody’s support
But his shoulders are slumped, looks like I’ll be dumped
He’s got bad news to report


As Rudd’s popularity has slumped
There’s speculation he’s about to be jumped
Once the most popular Prime Minster, in a plot so sinister
Is about to be unceremoniously dumped

What bad news does Rudd’s assistant Lachlan Harris have?
Can Rudd survive this groundswell of negativity?
How could Rudd go from such dizzy heights to being assassinated in such a short space of time?

Stay tuned for Part Five:


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