Sunday, August 21, 2011

ASHES TO ASHES (The Craig Thomson Story*)

As the Gillard Government lurches from one policy mishap to the next, one scandal to another, we are reminded of a slight variation of the old cricket chant from the 1970's when Lillee & Thomson were decimating opposition batting line ups:

"ASHES TO ASHES, DUST TO DUST
IF WILKIE DON'T YOU, THOMMO MUST"


I love my role as head of this union
Treating proper protocols with scant disregard
I’ll call up the hookers, order a couple of good lookers
And charge it all my work credit card

Then I’ll sign off on all credit card charges
Write them off as a businessman’s lunch
And look them all in the eye: deny, deny, deny
When it all comes down to the crunch

I just love my interstate business trips
A few meetings then dinner with friends
But in my hotel room alone, I get on the phone
And see what the Yellow Pages recommends

But it’s not just the hookers I’m keen on
Seems I’m desperately short of some cash
I’ll take my chances and get cash advances
If I’m busted, I’ll have done my dash

But 3 words remain embedded in my vocab
I repeat them daily: deny, deny, deny
But I’m getting deeper in strife, with the good wife
I can’t even look her in the eye

It’s all coming to an ugly crescendo
And the media’s all over this seedy event
My alibi it seems is falling apart at the seams
And I’m subjected to relentless torment

My lame excuse that someone else was responsible
Is treated with the disdain it deserves
My penchant for a tart splits my world apart
And it’s become now a war of nerves

I’ve threatened to sue Fairfax Media
Then been forced to promptly revoke
If I proceed with the case, it’ll blow up in my face
And I’ll be gone: disgraced and broke

I’ll turn to the Labor Party to save me
To cover up this unwelcome disruption
To leave me at ease and pay all legal fees
It’s just a merry-go-round of corruption

I could continue to stick to my lame story
But am I willing to take that chance?
And bring down the Labor Government
Just because of the itch in my pants!

I just can’t resist the ladies of the night
I’ll get on the mobile just to say hello
But it’s getting quite hard, I’ll charge it all to my card
As my motel room becomes a bordello!

For all the problems plaguing this government
It seems the one that may well bring them down
Is the horny union guy who got a twinkle in his eye
Whenever he was out of town

So the moral of the story dear readers
As your credibility drowns in scandal and doubt
Look accusers in the eyes as you keep telling lies
While the Labor Party helps bail you out

(*ALLEGEDLY)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Five)

Part Five (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd (and Julia Gillard)

2010: 'IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE'

“The polls have turned against you Kevin
And Julia’s got the numbers to force a spill”
What a conniving bitch, since the CPRS switch
My poll numbers have all been downhill

Why on earth did I take her advice?
I should’ve called a double-dissolution election
But that’s all in hindsight, and I’ve lost this fight
Julia is the Labor Party’s preferred selection

So I’m out on my arse just like that
As the faceless men stick their knives in my back
I didn’t get a return bout, they’ve turfed me out
I’m no more than a washed up old hack

So the redhead assumes the mantle of PM
And calls an election almost immediately
The only time I speak is to provide Oakes with a leak
If I can’t be PM, neither can she

I’ll hold these bastards to ransom
And demand the Foreign Affairs job
Or I’ll bring it all down, run Labor out of town
And completely destroy this mob

Julia Gillard continues telling the tale:

I can’t believe I’ve come this far so quickly
And risen to become the leader of Labor
I’m the PM, thanks to the faceless men
And a very deeply embedded sabre

I almost immediately call an election
To capitalise on my political honeymoon
Before people realise the extent of Labor’s demise
I’ll prove I’m politically opportune

I’ll peel off the focus-group slogans
To maximise my voter appeal
But when that bulldust fails, and Abbott prevails
I’ll introduce another Julia: “and this one is real”

But I’m losing all the momentum
Despite having an 18-seat head start
I keep on tripping, all authority slipping
Tony Abbott is a real work of art!

Now there’s murmurs of a deal with the Greens
As the polls point to a cliffhanger
There’s talk the ALP backs a new Carbon Tax
It’s not looking too good for this ranga

So I go on TV in the final desperate days
I’m desperate, I beg and I plead
To the voters I say, full sincerity on display
“There’ll be no Carbon Tax under the Government I lead”

Meanwhile…..

Rudd’s been killed off but it hasn’t assisted
As unrest within Labor has continued and persisted
Gillard lacks gravitas and leadership skills
Any Prime Ministerial authority she quickly kills

It’s election day, and all the polls point to a cliffhanger.
Labor has an 18-seat majority, but 3 years of waste & mismanagement has tested voter patience.
And Rudd’s political assassination has angered many, particularly in Queensland.
Who will previal: Gillard or Abbott?

Stay tuned for the final installment, part 6:

2010-11: 'DAYLIGHT ROBBERY'

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Four)

Part Four (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd

2010: 'IS THAT A KNIFE IN MY BACK OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME'?!

The problem with making so many announcements
Is that it’s hard to keep up with the list
I’ve been so busy, my world fame makes me dizzy
No wonder punters are starting to get pissed

This ‘Climate Change’ thing’s a nightmare
As the Chinese “rat fu@ked” me in Copenhagen
I ask the big guy upstairs and hope he answers my prayers
Or I’ll quit the church and be a born-again pagan

‘God help me’ the façade’s falling apart
And Julia & Swanny are circling with intent
The CPRS I dump because I’m under the pump
But it’s not enough to appease the malcontent

My poll numbers start to go into freefall
And Abbott’s soon gained the upper hand
Swannie’s budget delivers another $41B black hole
Which proves more than anybody can stand

My attempts at appeasing the bleeding hearts of the left
By loosining border protection laws
Loses me heaps of votes, thanks to an influx of boats
And exposes yet more of my flaws

The debt’s blown out to almost $200 billion
And we haven’t got close to delivering a budget surplus
But I try to stay cool and paint Abbott as the fool
And nonchalantly ask “Hey, what’s all the fuss”?

“It might look easy out there in 7:30 land”
I aggressively blurt out at Kerry O’Brien
I’m feeling the stress, am I pressured? Oh yes,
To say otherwise you know I’d be lying

My one saving grace was Newspoll
But even that’s turned against me with spite
It gives Abbott a thrill to move in for the kill
I brace myself for one almighty fight

But the fight of my life’s not with Abbott
It’s with Julia and the faceless factional men
My own party’s turned, my reputation is burned
Things will never be the same again

I get Lachlan to rally the numbers
And ensure I’ve got everybody’s support
But his shoulders are slumped, looks like I’ll be dumped
He’s got bad news to report

Meanwhile…..

As Rudd’s popularity has slumped
There’s speculation he’s about to be jumped
Once the most popular Prime Minster, in a plot so sinister
Is about to be unceremoniously dumped

What bad news does Rudd’s assistant Lachlan Harris have?
Can Rudd survive this groundswell of negativity?
How could Rudd go from such dizzy heights to being assassinated in such a short space of time?

Stay tuned for Part Five:

2010: ‘IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE'

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Three)

Part Three (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd
2009: I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD

This political game is so easy
It’s all about announcing my latest thought bubble
Expressing all views for the 6 o’clock news
Is enough to keep me out of trouble

Nobody holds me accountable
Because the public thinks my sh1t don’t stink
Some Ministers express their disatisfaction
But I don’t give a stuff what they think

I’m flying all over the universe
Shaking hands with Berlusconi and Obama
Whilst in Newspoll I see good numbers for me
Nothing at all is a drama

Not even another disastrous budget
This one $57 Billion out of whack
But the deluded public lap up my promise
That we’ll soon have everything back on track

Despite debt blowing out to over $100 Billion
I manage to keep Turnbull & the Libs on the ropes
Right on cue they fetch the tragic Godwin Grech
Thank God for these incompetent dopes!

Turnbull runs hard with the ‘Oz Car’ scandal
On the back of alleged illicit emails
But this brief brush with strife brought me back to life
And it’s me who triumphantly prevails

09 saw me depose of Malcolm
And make more announcements to grab the headlines
As I’ve managed to wrack up the frequent flier points
Whilst ignoring all policy deadlines

Rubbing shoulders with my UN buddies
With all my grand delusions unfurled
Australia’s not big enough for a man of my talents
I want to rule the world

But whilst I’m away on my UN junkets
Sucking up to Ban Ki-moon
The knives are being sharpened on the home front
There’s talk that I might be assassinated soon

So another year comes to an end
Next year I’m guaranteed to win a second election
But behind the smiles and high polls
There’s a simmering disaffection

Meanwhile….

The gloss is starting to wear off on Kevin
His last saving grace was his popularity
But with his poll numbers in decline in late 2009
There were cracks in the façade of solidarity

As we enter 2010, the murmurings become louder within the ALP.
The Coalition under Turnbull couldn’t gain any traction in the polls, but the Coalition’s aggressive new leader Tony Abbott promises to take the fight up to Rudd and Labor.
2010 will prove to be the most turbulent year ever in Australian politics.

Stay tuned for Part Four:

2010: ‘IS THAT A KNIFE IN MY BACK OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME'?!

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Two)

Part Two (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd

2008: MORE POPULAR THAN SEX

I’ll hold a 2020 summit for apparatchiks
$30 million cost and not one good idea
I’ll say sorry to the Aboriginals
A great start to the new political year

I’ll rekindle talk of a Republic
Another way to satisfy the Labor machine
I’ll jump on board the ‘Climate Change’ hysteria
‘The greatest moral challenge we’ve ever seen’

I’ve inherited a very strong economy
Swannie tells me everything is still humming
What’s this ‘Global Financial Crisis’ talk?
Whoah! I didn’t see that coming!

While it’s too soon to know the full repurcussions
It’s time to kill off the ‘conservative’ façade
Spend spend spend, go hard, go early
And charge it all to the nation’s credit card

So while Turnbull plots to bring down Nelson
I’ve gone on a massive spending spree
Thumping my chest that we avoided recession
‘Hey everybody, how clever are we’?!

Swannie delivers his very first budget
No surprises that it’s deeply screwed
He sticks to defending the $27 billion deficit
While I stick to being obnoxious and rude

And while my colleagues all hate my guts
And we’re suddenly deeply in debt
The latest Newspoll vindicates my survival
With my highest approval rating yet

It’s enough to bring down the good Doctor
Suddenly Turnbull’s in the opposite chair
I’ve more in common with Malcolm than my colleagues
Both a narcissistic and a multi-millionaire

I sail through 2008 unencumbered
By the hatred felt for me by Labor MP’s
Not even Nostradamus could’ve predicted
That within 12 months I’d be on my knees

I’ve single-handedly saved Australians from ruin
By sending them all $900 cheques
And I’m building school halls so there’s no drastic falls
I remain more popular than sex!

Meanwhile….

As Rudd sips his eggnog on Christmas Eve
There’s a growing unrest within the Labor Party
Sick & tired of being demeaned by Rudd
They’re determined to bring down this smarty

Despite being despised by his colleagues, the public love Rudd.
His poll numbers remain at record highs.
What will 2009 have in store for our bi-polar PM?

Stay tuned for Part Three:

‘2009: I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD'

Monday, August 15, 2011

5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part One)

Part One (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd

2007: I'M AUSTRALIA'S MESSIAH

My name is Kevin and I'm here to help
I’m just the leader Australians require
I’m an economic conservative
I’m Australia’s Messiah

I’ve given Kim Beasley the big heave-ho
And Jenny Macklin too
Teamed up with trusty Jules to unite Labor
And provide leadership long overdue

I’ll give schoolkids a computer each
And I’ll stop this reckless spending
A GP Super Clinic on every corner
My grand promises are never ending

I’ll get us a seat on the UN Council
And unite all our States & Territories
I’ll travel the world extensively
And make speeches in Cantonese

I’ll lead this country for many years
My popularity is soaring
I’ll surround myself with 20-somethings
Yes-men advisors so adoring

I’ll sign Kyoto because Howard wouldn’t
A typically grandiose but pointless action
By the end of ’07 I’ll be your PM
With record levels of satisfaction

As we go into the Christmas break
My grand plan has come to fruition
Everything’s on track for a decade of rule
I’m in a dominant position

The Liberal Party is languishing
The good Doctor Nelson is sinking
I’ve got so many grand schemes for the years ahead
And I know what everyone’s thinking:

‘That Kevin Rudd is a genius
So full of bright ideas’
Little did anyone have the slightest clue
That I’d be gone within 2 years

But as my family gathered for Christmas lunch
I raised my glass and looked them in the eye
“I propose a toast to the Prime Minister
How bloody good am I?!”

Meanwhile….


Around various other dinner tables in Australia
A plot was brewing, slowly but most sinister
As Labor MP’s hatred for Rudd’s autocratic style
Would lead to the eventual knifing of the Prime Minister

What will 2008 hold for Australia’s new PM?
Can he maintain record levels of popularity?
What of the murmurings of a downturn in the global economy?

Stay tuned for Part Two:

‘2008: MORE POPULAR THAN SEX’

Sunday, August 14, 2011

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

As sure as night follows day
We are a country in decay
With a wasteful government at the helm
Slowly destroying our once-great realm

A government prone to poor decisions
So sadly lacking in its’ visions
Leading us down the path of no return
Will naive voters ever learn?

A vote for Labor always leads to pain
We end up in deficit once again
A budget destroyed by reckless spending
Do they have a problem comprehending?

As sure as the sun comes up tomorrow
Labor reigns ends up in pain and sorrow
Reckless spending & spiralling debt
Do voters like playing Russian Roulette?

A vote for Labor always ends up hurting
Their inepetitude is disconcerting
If history teaches us anything
It‘s the trail of destruction Labor bring

Just 4 years ago we were sitting pretty
Thanks to Howard’s team, a great committee
Secure borders & strong finances
Why on earth would voters take their chances?

Hasn’t history taught us anything?
Of the continued failings of the left wing
Each time we vote them into power
Our quality of life they do devour

So every time Australian’s elect Labor
They load a bullet and spin the chamber
And put the barrel against our collective head
And our quality of life is quickly dead

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

INTO THE ABYSS

Has there been a worse government
In the history of Australia?
A more accident-prone collection,
So prone to repeated failure?

A government so inept at policy
All it touches turns to shit,
You want the meaning of incompetence?
Folks, this is it.

A list too long to mention
Of cost blow outs and lame inaction
Spending billions on inane schemes
When they could’ve spent a fraction

As the debt races to $200B
The budget deficit overblown
Is this the most pathetic group of no-hopers
You’ve had the misfortune to have known?

Not one policy has been enacted
Which you could proudly say has aided
People struggling to pay their bills
Our quality of life has been degraded

Australians used to take for granted
The fine leadership of Howard & Co
But those halcyon days are long gone
Great times our children will never know

These days they cower to minorities
Sucked in by greenie feel-good crap
These morons wouldn’t know good policy
If it fell into their lap

We’ve got a PM well out of her depth
And a treasurer with no idea
A foreign minister nobody likes
With an agenda most unclear

They speak of reform and moving forward
Surely they’re taking the piss?
If we keep moving forward at this rate
We’ll fall into the abyss.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

THE AIR THAT WE BREATHE

Where did all the cash go Swanny
When you & Rudd spent billions in haste?
The cupboard is bare now Swanny
Thanks to your reckless spending & waste

Can you balance a chequebook Wayno?
Ensure your income is exceeding your spending?
No wonder consumer confidence is tanking
People wonder when is your incompetence ending?

Have you got any clue what you’re doing?
As you lead us down the path of destruction
Your stories of a pending budget surplus
Are as credible as tales of alien abduction!

When you took over the treasury benches
You inherited a magnificent set of books
But now all of Costello’s fine management
Has been destoyed by you incompetent crooks

Debt has blown out to almost $200 Billion*
And you’re yet to deliver a budget in the black
Yet you get on TV as your head bobs madly
And plead “Come on, please cut us some slack”.

But there’s no excuse for your fiscal ineptitude
We demand responsible spending of taxpayer’s money
Not overpriced school canteens & pink batts
And so much other waste it’s simply not funny

A few hundred million here, a hundred million there
Throwing money around to cover up your failures
As the world’s economy teeters on a knife’s edge
An enviable position was once Australia’s

Not any more thanks to your mismanagement
We’ve climbed to third on the list of global debt growth**
But now there’s no money left and our surplus is bereft
Have you destoyed business confidence? My oath!

The people have no faith in your management
And no faith in anything to do with the ALP
Such a bunch of misfits giving us all the shits
Just how bad can a government be?

So we’re up to our necks in deficit and debt
We wish you’d all take permanent leave
There’s no time to relax, it’s all spend and tax
And now you’re taxing the air that we breathe

*www.aofm.gov.au
As at 9th August, Government debt is $196.9 Billion

**Australia’s public debt has grown by 150% since 2007, when Rudd & Swan came to power, third only to Iceland & Ireland.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

LABOR PAINS

When Swan speaks I really need smelling salts
Head wobbling is his uncontrollable habit
Along with making lame excuses for his faults
And blaming everything that’s wrong on Tony Abbott

Wayne Swan, our Treasurer, a bungling fool
A man charged with running our economy
Didn’t even study economics at school
His starstruck gaze more aligned to astronomy

Took the reigns of a faultless set of books
Zero debt and billions in the bank
But him and his hopeless band of crooks
Have ruined everything, it’s them we must thank

We must thank them for the $100B debt
“But we avoided going into recession”
And a 4th consecutive budget deficit
We’re slaves now to Labor oppression

We thank them for an economy that’s stalling
Business leaders venting anger at this mob
And with consumer confidence consistently falling
Nobody feels safe any more in their job

Thanks to Labor housing prices have descended
And retail spending is disastrous in patches
We await the day when these Labor pains have ended
Until then Australians have battened down the hatches

What’s Swan & Gillard’s response to these alarming trends?
We’re all on edge, they must assure us to relax
With strong leadership on which our future depends
Their solution? The bloody useless Carbon Tax!

Energy costs have risen heaps the past few years
Driving the family budget through the roof
You worried Labor would be the sum of all your fears?
Do you really need any more proof?

They sent $900 cheques to those deceased or overseas
Spent millions installing insulation, then removing it
Millions more pissed up the wall on overpriced school canteens
Incompetent? They’ve spent the past 4 years proving it!

Don’t forget why we’re broke, the Labor Party is the cause
Grocery Choice and Fuel Watch, more millions up in smoke
Weakened our borders, with people drowning on our shores
Has a government ever been such a lame & tasteless joke?

Swan can blame the teetering economy on bananas
Sure Wayne, it’s got nothing to do with your reckless waste
And any credibility you’d hoped your action garners
Is deluded and very sadly misplaced

You’ve had 4 shots so far at balancing a budget
Alas, no luck, just $200B in the red
And no matter how hard you try to fudge it
Those numbers just refuse to add up in your head!

Australians are sick of the Labor Pains we’re enduring
This government is no more than a failure and a farce
There’s never been a desire so alluring
To kick them all out on their collective useless arse!

Monday, August 1, 2011

THE GREAT GLOBAL WARMING SWINDLE


You’ll be sitting on your roof when the tide comes rushing in
Don’t bother dropping in a line, there’ll be no fish within
The earth is scorched, Polar Bears extinct, we’re all living in grief
Kakadu is long gone, as is the Great Barrier Reef

The long list of scares is hysterical and alarming
The latest victims appear to be those involved in farming
We’ll all die of starvation, unable to be fed
“Pay the Carbox Tax, or we’ll all soon be dead”.

Flannery warns of tragedies of biblical proportions
So chilling and scary, but please ignore the distortions
Despite Flannery being wrong on numerous occasions
They still roll out his forecasts, his predictions and equations

If Flannery’s the best the scaremongers can produce
The only logical explanation a rational person could deduce
Is that the argument is crumbling as the facts become clear
And like Gore & others, he’s just a Global Warming profiteer

But one mustn’t question Global Warming as the “science is settled”
If you question it, like Monkton, you’ll be publicly derided and nettled
Garnaut’s an economist and Flannery a mammologist
They’re nothing more than government-funded Global Warming apologists

Turn off all your electricity, you’re killing Mother Earth
Switch off the Air Conditioner, or we’ll all end up like Perth
The “Ghost Metropolis City” as predicited by Professor Tim
The dams will soon be empty, we must all listen to him

Gillard’s on my television, and with Abbott she’s agreed
“There’ll be no Carbon Tax under the government I lead”
But as to provide instant verification that you can’t polish a turd
She scrapes into power and immediately goes back on her word

A slave to the Greens and their lunatic fringe solution
Gillard signs a pact with Brown to “stop dangerous CO2 pollution”
Despite the fact that CO2 is plant food, essential for all life
A drowning woman would clutch a serpent when in political strife

A bare-faced liar is our Prime Minister, dishonest and inept
She only made one sweeping promise that needed to be kept
Yet she immediately retreated and said she’d introduce the tax
To please the Greens, balance the books: they’re the real facts

So Gillard’s now aligned herself to Gore, Flannery and Brown
Taking every opportunity to talk our quality of living down
But there’s only one small problem with their pathetic doomsday song
Everything they’ve predicted has been abjectly wrong

So now we have a Prime Minister who is a slave to the lies
How low will her approval have to fall for her to realise
That Australian’s will not be fooled and treated with disdain
And can’t wait to be rid of her, and Kevin, Bob and Wayne

So as you lie freezing in your cave tonight cuddling your pet Shih Tzu
Just remember that the ‘Carbon Tax’ is designed to save you
From a life of misery, of destruction, floods and famine
While Julia & guests dine at the Lodge on Caviar, Wine and Salmon

Thursday, June 9, 2011

THE PUPPET MASTER

A career politician who’s never been married
Childless and dedicated to one’s vocation
As a leader one is constantly harried
In their ascention to lead our great nation

First step is to carve out a reputation
As a smart and respected adversary
To master the art of communication
And not be irrational, lazy or cursory

Slowly, strategically you climb through the ranks
Of your political party of the left
As you climb to the top you must give thanks
But reflect on a life so bereft

Never been a parent or walked down the aisle
But devoted to a political pit so sinister
And you’ve risen above the rank and file
To be one step closer to being Prime Minister

Maybe the life of sacrifice has been worth the travails
As now you find yourself leading your congregation
And with all the responsibility leadership entails
You stay focussed despite the anticipation

So close to the top, near to the top job
A life’s aspiration so close to fruition
Not long now and you’ll be the big knob
And fulfill a lifelong ambition

All of a sudden it all comes to head
And Labor ruthlessly bring Kevin Rudd down
Don’t let the power go to your head
You’re now the proxy Prime Minister Bob Brown

Gillard’s a lame duck, a slave to the Greens
Her government soon to be buried in a casket
Brown pulls the strings, and you know what that means?
We’re all going to hell in a handbasket!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS

Wasn’t it a depressing sight
To see Wayne Swan on Lateline last night
Like a startled deer caught in the headlight
So typically unconvincing and trite

He went to the club of the National press
Productivity Commission data he did possess
But was he unconvincing? Would you hazard a guess?
The answer is a resounding ‘YES’

Swan had cherry picked an incomplete report
In a lame-brained attempt trying to thwart
The opposition’s attempts at a Carbon tax abort
But his efforts will only lead to more Abbott support

Because Ali Moore exposed the lie
And no matter how hard the head-wobbler did try
His flimsy prognonis was dismantled thereby
To Swan’s last shred of credibility we can say goodbye

Not only was the report incomplete
But Swan cherry picked a price, an act of deceit
When Moore exposed his deception Swan’s chagrin was complete
And he refused to “canvas” and bid a hasty retreat

Swan also upset the “Multi-Party Committee”
And left Christine Milne feeling neglected and shitty
Which isn’t really such a pity
But watching her spout her propoganda isn’t pretty

“I’m here to discuss the modelling” Swan insisted
It would expose Abbott’s scare campaign as false & twisted
But as Moore pressed for answers and insisted
That the data was flimsy as it currently consisted

“I’m not going through the detail of the modelling” Swan retorted
“But isn’t that why you’re here? That’s what’s been reported!
You said the modelling proved your point and it’s all been sorted
But once again you’ve presented as dishonest and distorted”.

Cheery-picking modelling based on $20 a tonne
A price on carbon? There isn’t yet one
So his entire thesis is immediately undone
No matter how desperately Swan wants it spun

So the report on which Swan had presented his case
Had exploded embarrassingly right into his face
No matter how hard he tried to blame Abbott and debase
Swan once again proved he’s an incompetent disgrace

Swan's pathetic and cringeworthy performance here:
http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2011/s3238190.htm

Monday, June 6, 2011

THE SUM OF ALL FEARS

This mob’s been in power for almost 4 years
And have proven to be the sum of all of our fears
And as Julia Gillard’s 1 year anniversary nears
Any semblance of credibility all but disappears

Every new day presents another policy failure
As the Empress with no clothes flaunts her ill-fitting regalia
And the ALP destroys the very fabric of Australia
Bogged down in smokescreens and lost in paraphernalia

The ‘Malaysian Solution’ is not a solution
It’s just another pathetic Labor contribution
Once again bungled in its executuion
And leading to disgraceful child persecution

The ‘Carbon Tax’ proposal is yet another attempt
By Labor to treat the public with disdain & contempt
An all-encompassing tax of which none are exempt
From a Government inept, dishonest and unkempt

The ‘Mining Tax’ fiasco continues on unabated
Like other Labor failures, they’re all interelated
Leaving consumer confidence sadly deflated
And this Government’s reputation badly desecrated

Has there ever been a more accident prone collection?
So tainted with failures and full of imperfection
A Government so despised, so prone to disaffection
Now we’ve all had enough and demand an election

But of course that won’t happen while Julia’s PM
Because it’s not about us, it’s all about them
As she desperately clings to power as the public condemn
I pray she calls an election soon, please God….Amen.

Sincere thanks to all those who sent messages of support during my recent bout of ill-health. I'm recovering well and hope to be back here more regularly over coming days and weeks.
Arthur.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Bin Laden is Dead.

Bin Laden is dead
They shot him in the head
Ignore any outcry of hypocricy
It’s a great day for democracy

A mass murderer’s been terminated
By the western world he so much hated
Freedom and western values win
Over hatred, murder and endless sin

Just like his mate Saddam Hussein
Bin Laden was clearly most insane
A mass murderer so full of failings
Who plotted and killed 88 Australians

Rot in hell you murderous bastard
I hope it was worth it while it lasted
And as you enter through the gates of hell
Lucifer will no doubt yell

‘Come over here, sit next to me
This is the netherworld as you can see
You are in perdition for eternity
A murderous evil fraternity’

R.I.P our 3000 American sisters & brothers
And 88 peace loving Australians and many others
Who died at the hands of his evil Al-Qaeda cell
May Osama Bin Laden forever rot in hell.

No martyrdom.
No 72 virgins.
Just a bullet in the head.
And an eternity in hell.
Bastard.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

RIVERS OF GOLD AND OCEANS OF DEBT

Wayne went to the cupboard to see what was there
But when he opened the cupboard the cupboard was bare
He searched high & wide for something to use
But all he could find were lots of IOU's

The reality dawned on Wayne and he felt sad
That due to his waste the situation was bad
Just 4 years ago he was rolling in cash
But it was all gone now due to decisions rash

After 4 years in charge of the nation's accounts
Wayne's under the pump as the pressure mounts
He's yet to deliver a set of positive numbers
Thanks to Wayne our economy encumbers

It seems Wayne has sold the family farm
His ineptitude has done so much harm
The Coalition’s surplus is spent
There’s no money left to pay the rent

Because Wayne’s such a silly duffer
Seems the rest of us must suffer
And thanks to all the wastage that he brang
We’re all now the victims of the ‘razor gang’

Even though we’re in the midst of Mining Boom Mk II
Wayne’s got absolutely no idea what to do
He assures us our economy’s in full throttle
But now the inflation genie’s out of the bottle

It’s one excuse after the next from Swan
As he tries to explain where the money has gone
“There’s no rivers of gold” is his latest regret
Because all the rivers flow into his ocean of debt*

www.aofm.gov.au
As at April 21st Total Commonwealth Government Securities on Issue - $189.840 Billion

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

WAYNE'S PAIN (Diddums for Wayne)

Don’t you feel sorry for Wayne?
Can’t you just feel his pain?
As much as he’d love to fudge it
He just can’t balance his budget

Poor old Swannie laments
This unfortunate turn of events
That sees his budget completely destroyed
Economic ruin he couldn’t avoid

Because he was forced to waste
And had to spend so much in haste
As the ‘Gang of 4’ convened
And approved overpriced school canteens

Pissed billions against many walls
And built inappropriate school halls
Displayed such gross depravity
To put pink batts in your roof cavity

Which not only drained millions again
But caused the deaths of 4 young men
It cost over a billion to line your roof
Wayne’s fault? You got any concrete proof?

It’s not Wayne’s fault all those ‘green’ schemes
Didn’t develop into a tree-huggers dreams
How the hell could Wayne have known
That the costs would be so overblown?

He inherited a $20 billion surplus
But now that’s something we can’t discuss
Because after 4 years of being a dud
Swanny’s blamed it all on a flood

A tragic flood, absolutely no doubt
But for Wayne it’s his easy way out
And just to enforce his incriminating plan
Wayne also blames the earthquake in Japan

Again, an absolutely shocking human disaster
But Swanny, don’t lecture us like a schoolmaster
Your pathetic effort at spending our money
Is so sad it’s almost funny

So as we career towards $200B in debt*
And you thought you’d seen the worst of it yet
You thought the waste of money has been sinister?
Right now, Wayne’s our acting Prime Minister! (God help us…)

Our country has absolutely no hope
Under the leadership of this dope
Who destroys every plan he introduces
And all he offers is lame excuses

And when you get your next power bill
And you feel like you’re pushing shit uphill
Don’t worry, we can all relax
Because Swanny’s introducing another new tax

What did we do to deserve Gillard & Swan?
Normally credibility is a sine qua non
For political leaders in Australia
But everything this mob do is a failure

I don’t want your lame excuses Wayne
For inflicting so much unnecessary pain
And blaming everyone but yourself
For leaving fiscal rectitude on the shelf

Go cry by yourself in the corner Swanny
Excuses? We’ve already heard too many
You’ve wasted so much you’re an embarrassing bore
Don’t let the door hit your arse on your way out the door.

I'm bloody angry that this idiot, along with Rudd, Gillard, Wong, Garrett, Conroy & Combet are destroying consumer & business confidence and our fabric of life. Waste and recklessness. And massive debt.
And excuses.
*
The article in question:

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

MINORITY REPORT

Rudd remains preferred leader
Whilst Gillard’s losing ground
Swan has 10% support
This survey does astound

Rudd’s support’s dropped 21%
Since February last year
But he remains a clear favourite
Exactly why is most unclear

He’s still the same annoying bloke
Driven by self-centred goals
His narcissism drives his desire
To be back at the controls

Gillard’s support is dropping fast
The voters now realise
She’s completely out of her depth
And they won’t forgive her lies

With just 29% support
Down 11% since last May
The voters are sick of her dishonesty
And her government in decay

Then there’s the head wobbler
Wayne Swan got 10% on the report
Newspoll rang Swan’s friends & family
To garner that level of support!

1 in 10 would like Wayne Swan
To be leader of our country
But what the polling didn’t report
Was that 8% want Humphrey

And another 8% preferred Elmo
Whilst 9% would vote for Homer
The notion of Wayne Swan as PM
Is clearly a misnomer

The poll clearly shows they’ve lost the plot
And all levels of support
Such low numbers of approval:
It’s the Labor Minority Report!

Who are the 25% that make up the 'Uncommitted' as preferred Labor leader?
The REAL Newspoll:



Article here:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/just-one-in-10-want-wayne-swan-to-lead/story-fn59niix-1226041224734

Sunday, April 17, 2011

GREEN FOR A DAY

Today I'm feeling very green
Unable to express my thoughts
Can't communicate my anger
At Labor's waste & rorts

I’m suffering from writer’s block
Ideas? Can’t think of one
Now I know how Labor feels
Particularly Wayne Swan

A man bereft of fresh ideas
See how low he stoops
Spews out by rote the latest lines
Supplied by focus groups

Today I have a hangover
Like Swan, a bungled mess
My head wobbles, my speech is slurred
I must soon convalesce

Can’t get a clearing in my brain
To convey just how I’m feeling
To articulate my wish that Gillard
Was a victim of the glass ceiling!

I’m trying to wonder to myself
What we did to deserve her
We must’ve been a victim
Of some heartless saboteur

I lie on the couch motionless
My head a constant thud
And the pain is not eased at all
By thoughts of Kevin Rudd

What a narcissistic little man
In love with his reflection
Driven by a fall from grace
His own party’s rejection

I nod into a peaceful snooze
Pain allayed by my slumber
Suddenly I’m in a sweat
Nausea I must encumber

My free advice to friends & foes
When a hangover curses you
Dismiss thoughts of the Labor Party
Or you’re guaranteed to spew!

Friday, April 15, 2011

THE CONFESSIONAL


Gillard: I’ve lied to the public on so many occasions
I’ve reinvented myself at least 14 times
Swan: I’ve got no idea about treasury equations
I’ve squandered so much I should be tried for waste crimes

Shorten: I’m just a junior minister but act like such a smarty
I’ve knocked off one PM and I’m keen for another
Rudd: I’ve been sacked as PM by my very own party
I’ve fallen out with everyone, even my own brother

Garrett: I couldn’t even manage to give stuff away
I’ve been out of the fire and into the pan
Conroy: I don’t even listen to what the experts say
I’m spending tens of billions on an uncosted plan

Roxon: I’m arrogant and smug in everything I say
Even though I’ve achieved nothing in nearly 4 years
Plibersek: I speak down to people in a patronising way
I’ve proven to be very wet behind the ears

Faulkner: I’ve been unanimously judged the world’s most boring person
And couldn’t even last as a senior minister
Macklin: I’m just hanging around as situations worsen
And do nothing but say ‘Tony Abbott is sinister’

Wong: I failed my first posting so they moved me along
Now I’m stuffing up the Finance ministry
Emerson: All I’ve said and done has been proven wrong
Through my constant displays of rudeness and bigotry

Arbib: I’m a faceless man wielding my power
An egotistical warrior who just loves locking swords
Ellis: Does my hair look good? Am I paid by the hour?
Sorry, what was the question? Ummm, more women on boards?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

TOO CLEVER.....BY HALF

We always knew they were halfwits
But now they’ve removed all doubt
When they said “100%”
Their estimation was 50% out!

“Every cent raised will go to families
By way of compensation”
But such talk has quickly proved nonsense
More A.L.P. obfuscation

I saw Greg Combet on my TV
Saying all money would be returned
But he lied through his teeth to all of us
You’d think by now we’d have learned

That Labor and honesty aren’t compatible
They go together like water and oil
And as more lies and stuff ups are exposed
The Labor façade continues to uncoil

And then there was the angry ant,
The snarling Simon Crean
When he said “all money” would compensate
There was no doubt what he did mean

But he too misled by 50 per cent
And more evidence is mounting
That Combet and Crean both graduated
From the 'Wayne Swan School of Counting'

Because Swanny’s the economic genius
Who can’t count past ten without removing his pants
He’s giving advice on economic matters?
Why would anyone take that chance?

Swanny’s completely stuffed the budget
Huge deficit and massive debt
So they’re trying to bring in another new tax
And that’s not the half of it yet

Because ‘all money’ won’t be returned
Only half will assist rising prices
These dickheads can’t count and they lie to you
And you’re left to your own devices

A dishonest bunch of crooks
Treating the public with a dismissive laugh
So whenever they give you a number
Make sure you divide it by half…


............... BUT WAIT ...............


...If you divide a number by half
It’s the same as multiplying it by two
And that folks is the way Labor
Goes about misleading you…..

Andrew Bolt's article here:
http://blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/andrewbolt/index.php/heraldsun/comments/vote_us_well_give_you_back_half_your_money/

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK (Part 1)


A man was walking down the street
He felt a lump beneath his feet
He knelt to enquire what he’d found
What was this object on the ground?

He had to take a second look
It was a little black leather book
What had he found, this mystery walker?
The cover said ‘The property of Bruce Hawker’

He opened up his mystery find
So many thoughts ran through his mind
He thumbed the pages like they were braille
He’d found the Labor ‘Holy Grail’

He stopped suddenly on page 16
Astounded by what he had just seen
Circled boldly in texta green
Was “How to create a Smokescreen”

He kept on flicking through the book
He felt obliged to have a look
He thought ‘this Hawker is a crook’
And would clearly do ‘whatever it took’

But guilt soon got the best of him
He thought it best to hand it in
But he was so disturbed at the words therein
He tossed the book in the nearest bin

And so there lay Bruce Hawker’s words
Amongst rotting food and dog’s turds
He’d driven Labor’s vote down to 1/3
It’s amazing they still allow him to be heard

Hawker wanted one more shot at the title
He begged the ALP for one more recital
He rang Julia and pleaded ‘Please entitle’
‘The Smokescreen’ tactic is now most vital

So Gillard allowed him a one on one
To listen to the tactics of her hired gun
She shook his hand and said ‘This will be fun’
‘You have my word Bruce, it will be done’

What had Gillard & Hawker plotted?
What was the 'Smokescreen' Hawker had devised?

Stay tuned for Part 2: 'Houston, We Have a Problem'.....

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM (Part 2)

Stephen Smith & Air Chief Marshal Angus Houston


Bruce Hawker's 'Little Black Book' has been found by a stranger on a city street, with the words 'Create a Smokescreen' highlighted. What was the 'smokescreen' reference?

Part 2:

Julia Gillard addresses her crestfallen troops.
Sick of the flak over the Carbon Tax, she's looking for fresh ideas to divert attention.

Thanks for coming, good morning team
We’re in the deepest shit you’ve ever seen
We’ve consulted the Hawker-Britton machine
And it’s sage advice? "Create a smokescreen"!

Any ideas? I don’t care how sleazy
Anybody got anything? What about you Albanese?
A rail line in western Sydney? No, far too cheesy
If we try that one again I’d feel most uneasy…

Swan stands up, head wobbling madly.

To divert attention from the hullabaloo
How about I dig out the Henry Tax Review?
I could say I’m looking at tax options anew
I could say these changes are long overdue

Gillard thumps the table in disgust.

Sit down & shut up Swan, you’re as thick as a brick
You really are a most ignorant prick
Although such a tactic is typical Labor shtick
Any new tax would give Abbott another free kick

All the vacant brains of the Labor caucus are stumped for ideas.

Come on you lot, is there any comprehension
Of how desperate I am to divert the attention?
Give me some ideas or I’ll cancel your pension
Remember the ALP code: lying is the mother of invention

We must get the Carbon Tax off the front page
To deviate the focus and appease people’s rage
We must act quickly before they all disengage
And we’ll all be asked to permanently exit the stage

A soft voice speaks up amidst the deafening silence and blank stares.
It’s Defence Minister Stephen Smith;

I think I might have something that’ll frighten the horses
A scandal of sorts in the Armed Defence Forces
We could leak the story through undisclosed sources
I’ll shout ‘this isn’t the type of behaviour Labor endorses’

Gillard seems impressed.

That’s it Smithy, that’ll be our great saviour
Now give me the details of this disgraceful behaviour

Smith is concerned he may have given his leader false hope.

Disgraceful? No not really, just a stupid male prank
But I’m sure if we tap into the Hawker-Britton think tank
We could find a good angle for which we can thank
And I’ll play the role of the short tempered crank

By this stage, Gillard is all systems go for Smith’s diversionary tactics.

With our primary vote as low as 30 per cent
We must appease the groundswell of discontent
Such a media beat up will be heaven sent
Smithy, please tell me your plan to misrepresent

Smith stands, realising this is his call to arms, his chance to shine.
He tells his dumbstruck colleagues of his master plan, straight from the Hawker-Britton textbook of Political Subterfuge.

I’ll order 6 enquiries to create ADFA cultural wars
I’ll create the biggest shit storm that no media ignores
I’ll get Angus on the phone as the hysteria soars
And say "Houston we have a problem… and mate, it’s all yours"!

Monday, April 11, 2011

THE PENNY WONG SHOW


Did anybody speak on QandA tonight, apart from Penny Wong?
5 panelists usually have their say, but it seems tonight I'm wrong
As usual there was Tony Jones, looking regal and statuesque
And there was Penny Wong, seemingly on her own behind the desk

It was Penny’s show tonight and she rambled on without dispute
Whilst every other panel member was cut short and appeared mute
Each time Greg Hunt began to speak and defend the opposition
Wong cut him off and rolled her eyes and presented her position

And Jones just let her prattle on and make her unsubstantiated claims
She always had the final word and tried to shoot Hunt down in flames
But Greg Hunt’s an impressive man and retained his calm composure
But Jones let Wong have the final say and bring things to a closure

Each time a probing question was asked, Jones immediately turned to Penny
He didn’t seek the opinions of others, he must’ve though they don’t have any
All he cared about was giving Wong the chance to defend Labor’s reckless way
And each time Hunt made a point of magnitude, he gave Wong the final say

I challenge you to check the transcript when it becomes available
And count the words of each of the 5 panellists seated behind the table
I guarantee a word count will expose the dominance of Wong
And the ongoing bias of QandA and Jones behaviour is just wrong

After the show Jones would be pleased with the way it ran its course
While Hunt would’ve been most annoyed, and Penny would’ve been hoarse
She’d been allowed to talk and talk and was permitted regular rebuttal
As Tony Jones cut others off with a bias not so subtle

From here on Q and A is renamed “Ask Penny Wong a Question”
As she gives a glib & vague excuse for each Labor transgression
And nobody else will be allowed to espouse their point of view
To each question asked, Tony Jones will say: “Penny Wong, over to you”.

The Postman Always Rings Twice

Hi it’s Wayne, your treasurer
Just ringing to say gidday
You know while the sun is shining
I hope you’re making hay

I’m sure you’ve got your house in order
I’m sure you’re building wealth
But watch out for my sleight of hand
I’m robbing you by stealth

You see, remember back in 09
When Kevin went on the attack
And we went on that spending spree?
Well, now we want our money back

Seems we panicked at the GFC
When we should’ve hastened slowly
But we sent out cheques to everyone
Now our bank balance is lowly

In fact we’re stone cold broke, bankrupt
Not 2 cents to rub together
And any chance of paying off our debt
Is in the never-never

The budget’s so far in the red
I’m thinking of chucking in the keys
Those overpriced school canteens
Have brought us to our knees

And all the other reckless spending
Like putting pink batts up in ceilings
Well, I bloody want my money back
Sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings

We’ve blown so much on stupid plans
All in the name of appeasing the Greens
So much waste, spending in haste
Living well beyond our means

Borrowing millions every day
Just to stay afloat
Throwing billions at the crossbenchers
To get their casting vote

Building new detention centres
And millions spent on hotel rooms
To pay for the influx of boat people
My hour of reckoning looms

The budget’s due in just 4 weeks
I’m in such deep shit it’s not funny
But I’m coming back a second time
And this time I want money

You had your fun back in 09
A brand new big screen Plasma TV
Now I’m back to get my money back
Make out the cheque to “The A.L.P.”

That day you got your cheque in the mail
When you felt all fuzzy and nice
Remember, there’s no such thing as free money
And the postman always rings twice

Sunday, April 10, 2011

TRUE GIT

A Contrast in Styles

John Wayne, tough guy
Stick a needle in his eye
Gun fighter, big drinker
Bar fighter, deep thinker

Gunslinger, tough talker
Bullet proof, fire walker
Jaw puncher, law breaker
Fire breather, rule maker

Horse rider, horse rustler
Card shark, grog hustler
Fist fighter, womaniser
Enemies none the wiser

A man’s man, a true leader,
Wise speaker, gospel reader
In the thick of it, in the shit
The epitome of True Grit

Wayne Swan, inept
Can’t grasp a concept
Talks crap, wobbling head
Took us deep into the red

Money waster, dud leader
Budget wrecker, trough feeder
Unqualified, undignified
Failed at everything he tried

Disloyal, self protective
Inefficient, ineffective
No clue of economics
Learnt his trade in comics

Destroyer, denier
Dishonest, born liar
‘John’ Wayne Swan, idiot
The epitome of a True Git

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

She came into politics with a lot of good will
But ever since then it’s been all downhill
Because slowly but surely she’s been exposed
Her dishonesty and ineptitude cruelly disclosed

Her leadership is now the brunt of all jokes
A consistent level of support she’s unable to coax
Labor now appeals to just 1 in 3 voters
Such a bunch of shonks and shameless self-promoters

And Gillard’s lack of authority is plain to see
With Rudd running around typically “look at me”
She’s got no idea how to handle the rebel
And her popularity drops to yet a lower level

She is the incredible shrinking woman of Australian politics
Seems the job’s beyond her means, she is somewhat transfixed
And the Labor experiment has drastically failed
As their nonsensical agenda has been derailed

Gillard shrinks to insignificance no matter what she tries
She’s untrustworthy and the voters don’t forget her lies
Our government stumbles from one disaster to the next
And leaves the Australian public angry and perplexed

Since being in the top job she seems to have shrunk
Her report card is stamped an unmitigated ‘flunk’
After 9 months in the job she’s hasn’t achieved much
And she’s got the opposite of the Midas Touch!

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

The Australian Labor Party

They behave with reckless abandon
They act arrogantly and smugly
They perform with incredible incompetence
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good ain’t so plentiful
In fact it’s as rare as rocking horse shit
Sacking Rudd was a bloody good thing
But that’s just about it

The Bad: how long have you got?
It’s a list as long as your arm
So many poor policies poorly administered
Causing enormous harm

The budget now runs a huge deficit
And the debt‘s growing by the week
4 people have died in roof cavities
And boats are arriving as we speak

Bodies floating off Christmas Island
School halls at fifty grand per square metre
It’s really little wonder
Their grip on power continues to teeter

The Ugly describes just about everything
When it comes to federal Labor
An ugly coalition with Greens & Independents
Who continue to rattle their sabre

They’ve been a horrible mixture of bad & ugly
With the good bits very rare indeed
And despite a second chance from the electorate
They continue to mislead

There’s nothing endearing about this Government
They’ve been so bad year after year
And despite changing leaders midstream
You can’t make a silk purse from a goat’s ear

Thursday, April 7, 2011

THE NFI* HYPERBOWL

*NFI: No Frickin' Idea

Gillard: Quarterback or Halfwit?

Welcome to the 'N.F.I. Hyperbowl' , we’re all on the edge of our seat
It’s moments like this where opportunity and heroism meet
Who’ll be today’s champion? What heroics will we witness?
This is a test of bravery and skill and strength and fitness

Here’s Gillard, the quarterback, there’s pressure on her shoulders
Last week her team flogged the Philipines, the hapless Manila Folders!
And there’s her wide receiver, the nimble Kevin Rudd
Scored 3 touchdowns last week, sent ‘em packing with a thud!

There’s nothing quite like the Hyperbowl to get your adrenalin flowing
And the great interest tonight will be to see how well Gillard is throwing
She’s a no-nonsense player is Gillard, she’s looking to extol
And to others she’ll leave the political commentary and the hyperbowl!

Who’ll be the half-time entertainment? How much will a TV ad cost?
How will the players react when they’ve won or when they’ve lost?
Seems Gillard won’t pass the ball to Rudd, she’s treating him like a sinner
But Ruddy just keeps on smiling because he knows he’s already a winner

Here’s the final play, the crowd is hushed, it’s going down to the wire
Rudd’s telling Gillard which play to play, he’s really breathing fire
They take the field, a set formation, a loud raucous reception
Rudd runs wide, Gillard throws the ball…oh no… INTERCEPTION!

A mystery man’s stolen the pass and cuts a swathe through the strugglers
Who is that man with the hairy chest in the red budgie smugglers?
He palms them off, nears the end zone, seems he’s going downtown!
15 yards…10 yards…he’s there…TOUCHDOWN!

Gillard slumps to her knees and assumes the foetal position
Rudd stands over her, shakes his head, a tirade of admonition
Gillard slowly gets to her feet and loses all semblance of self control
“Oh shut up Kevin, I’ve had it with you and your incessant hyperbowl”!!

Gillard's embarrassing 'hyperbowl' gaffe here:
http://blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/andrewbolt/index.php/heraldsun/comments/its_not_just_the_words_but_the_delivery_that_lets_her_down/

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

RUNNING INTERFERENCE (Part Two)

A press conference a day keeps me right in the loop
And my presence ensures Julia’s jumping through hoops
Now that her lack of ability is being exposed
My intransigence ensures she is predisposed

I admit a great source of my continued frustrations
Is my inability to land a job with the United Nations
So I’ve refocussed my efforts once again
On dethroning Julia and becoming PM

Am I deluded to think I’ll be ‘grand poobah’ again?
My ego’s so big I think it’s almost certain
69% of people surveyed say the want me+
Seems over half of Australia’s had a lobotomy!

So I went on Q & A last Monday night
And had Julia Gillard in my line of sight
The bitch had deposed me as the Head of State
And it was time for me to set the record straight

It was time for me to disclose my version of events
And deceptively ensure my story misrepresents
Because as long as the exact details remain a mystery
I retain the moral high ground to rewrite history

Without naming names I dumped her & Swan in the poo
I had to protect my legacy, what else could I do?
I’ve added to the government’s unstable appearance
I just love upsetting Gillard by running intereference

I must admit that I’ve loved sitting back and observing
Gillard get the hammering of which she’s so deserving
I’ve been stoic and brave with a stiff upper lip
But after my Q & A effort folks…..I’ve gotta zip…

+ http://www.theage.com.au/polls/kevin-rudds-ambitions-20110406-1d49h.html

Kevin, your doctor called.....

'Jack the Insider' agrees that Rudd's Q & A application for the top job was self-serving and disturbing. And designed to make Gillard's life a hell of a lot harder:

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

BULLSHIT AND DIATRIBE (Part One)


Somebody stop me I’m outta control
I’ve got the momentum, I am on a roll
I’ve been lying low now for far too long
I’ll show ‘em the Ruddster is back on song

People seem to have forgotten I was a useless PM
Now I’m back to my old tricks of baffling them
With bullshit and diatribe that flies over their heads
This is just the scenario that Julia dreads

I’ve taken the knives and the axe from my back
And fastidiously got my career back on track
I’ll leak to the media wherever I go
To ensure there’s a news crew apropos

At the height of the floods I broke into a house
Brave and heroic virtues I did tirelessly espouse
Carried a big suitcase above my head, looking forlorn
Then the tenant came home to find his luggage was gone!

Slowly but surely I’ve rebuilt my brand
And Gillard’s ineptitude has played into my hand
As she deliberately drives up the cost of living
People say “Come back Ruddy, all is forgiven”!

Such short memories, it’s been less than a year
Since the majority of folks wanted me out of here*
I’d proven myself to be a man lacking conviction
Short on the action but big on the diction

Now after 9 months of slowly getting back in the swing
And travelling to Turkey & Greece & Berlin
Ethiopa, Switzerland and Liechtenstein
Ruddy’s back in Australia and doing just fine

*Short memories: Newspoll graphic from 10th May 2010. 6 weeks later Rudd was gone, sacked by his own party.

Part 2: 'RUNNING INTERFERENCE' here:

I NEARLY FELL OFF MY CHAIR!

Bill Shorten on 7.30, what a funny bloke
I really enjoyed his side-splitting joke
His straight face defied his jocularity
And may explain his latent popularity

A politician with humour is a genuine novelty
This guy is a very talented at dry wit & comedy
He delivered his punchline without a trace of a snigger
Which made the brilliance of his gag even bigger

He said a few funny things many and various
But one joke in particularly was exquisitely hilarious!
It still make me giggle, it still gives me shivers
He said “This government under promises and over delivers”

Did he really say “Under promise and over deliver”?!
About this useless mob which has sold us down the river
They continue to treat us as if we’re all stupid
Whilst their record in government has been putrid

They say a good laugh is a perfect remedy
And Shorten is now the ‘King of Comedy’
His humour appeals to the ordinary folk
And his entire government is an ordinary joke!

How can he get away with such a blatant furphy?
This guy is even funnier than Eddie Murphy
I laughed out loud and punched the air
And I fair dinkum nearly fell off my chair!

The 'Comedy' Channel here:
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2011/s3183189.htm

Shorten's actual joke:
"I think our party is a very strong party. I think the way this Labor Party does well is by under-promising and over delivering".
Champagne comedy!

Monday, April 4, 2011

WATER & BAKED BEANS

You’ve been the Treasurer for nearly 4 years Wayne
And you’ve made us endure more than our fair share of pain
From wasteful and reckless spending you could not refrain
And your attempts to balance the books are legerdemain

But all we hear from you is one excuse after the next
And your lies and deceit are getting more and more complex
The budget blow out and debt levels leave us perplexed
I bet you wish you hadn’t written all those blank cheques

In ’07 when you took over from Costello
The budget was in great shape apropos
But any fiscal rectitude you did quickly forego
With the GFC panic you thought “here we go”

You got just the excuse you needed to go on a spending spree
And demonstrated immediately that you’re an economic trainee
Spend, spend, spend, ASAP
Ignore the opposition’s advice to ‘wait and see’

“Go hard and go early” was the ALP creed
“We’ll send you free money in your hour of need”
Not only did you misappropriate, but you did misread
And spending and borrowing did greatly exceed

12 years of fine governance and financial brilliance
Saw Australia show the world economic resilience
After Howard & Costello overcame many a hindrance
Your mismanagement’s been an incredible difference

All the money is gone and we’re in massive debt
And we haven’t even seen the worst of it yet
‘The Goose’ has become your very own sobriquet
Thanks to the ‘gang of four’, that infamous quartet

What a useless bunch were you, Rudd, Gillard & Tanner
Into the works you threw the world’s biggest spanner
And you, as the treasurer, were the very worst planner
As you destroyed the economy in no uncertain manner

A budget blow out the size of which we’ve never seen
And a level of debt the likes of which there’s never been
As families struggle to survive on water and baked beans
You’ve taken taxpayers money and spent beyond your means

So now we must all pay for your panic and haste
And be handed a tough budget thanks to your waste
Any trust we had in your ability was sorely misplaced
And you leave in our mouths a very bitter taste

Your wasteful ineptitude makes us grind an axe
It’s spend, spend, spend, then tax, tax, tax
If Gillard an ounce of gumption she’d give you the sack
And only when you are gone can we all relax

You’re like watching a train crash in slow motion
Despite your shortcomings, you’ve weathered the commotion
How do you survive the lack of confidence motion?
And not just survive, but you got a promotion!

Unbelieveable…..