5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part One)

Part One (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd

2007: I'M AUSTRALIA'S MESSIAH

My name is Kevin and I'm here to help

I’m just the leader Australians require
I’m an economic conservative
I’m Australia’s Messiah

I’ve given Kim Beasley the big heave-ho
And Jenny Macklin too
Teamed up with trusty Jules to unite Labor
And provide leadership long overdue

I’ll give schoolkids a computer each
And I’ll stop this reckless spending
A GP Super Clinic on every corner
My grand promises are never ending

I’ll get us a seat on the UN Council
And unite all our States & Territories
I’ll travel the world extensively
And make speeches in Cantonese

I’ll lead this country for many years
My popularity is soaring
I’ll surround myself with 20-somethings
Yes-men advisors so adoring

I’ll sign Kyoto because Howard wouldn’t
A typically grandiose but pointless action
By the end of ’07 I’ll be your PM
With record levels of satisfaction

As we go into the Christmas break
My grand plan has come to fruition
Everything’s on track for a decade of rule
I’m in a dominant position

The Liberal Party is languishing
The good Doctor Nelson is sinking
I’ve got so many grand schemes for the years ahead
And I know what everyone’s thinking:

‘That Kevin Rudd is a genius
So full of bright ideas’
Little did anyone have the slightest clue
That I’d be gone within 2 years

But as my family gathered for Christmas lunch
I raised my glass and looked them in the eye
“I propose a toast to the Prime Minister
How bloody good am I?!”

Meanwhile….


Around various other dinner tables in Australia
A plot was brewing, slowly but most sinister
As Labor MP’s hatred for Rudd’s autocratic style
Would lead to the eventual knifing of the Prime Minister

What will 2008 hold for Australia’s new PM?
Can he maintain record levels of popularity?
What of the murmurings of a downturn in the global economy?

Stay tuned for Part Two:

‘2008: MORE POPULAR THAN SEX’