5 YEARS OF HELL: 2007 - 2011 (Part Three)

Part Three (of six), as told by Kevin Rudd

2009: I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD

This political game is so easy

It’s all about announcing my latest thought bubble
Expressing all views for the 6 o’clock news
Is enough to keep me out of trouble

Nobody holds me accountable
Because the public thinks my sh1t don’t stink
Some Ministers express their disatisfaction
But I don’t give a stuff what they think

I’m flying all over the universe
Shaking hands with Berlusconi and Obama
Whilst in Newspoll I see good numbers for me
Nothing at all is a drama

Not even another disastrous budget
This one $57 Billion out of whack
But the deluded public lap up my promise
That we’ll soon have everything back on track

Despite debt blowing out to over $100 Billion
I manage to keep Turnbull & the Libs on the ropes
Right on cue they fetch the tragic Godwin Grech
Thank God for these incompetent dopes!

Turnbull runs hard with the ‘Oz Car’ scandal
On the back of alleged illicit emails
But this brief brush with strife brought me back to life
And it’s me who triumphantly prevails

09 saw me depose of Malcolm
And make more announcements to grab the headlines
As I’ve managed to wrack up the frequent flier points
Whilst ignoring all policy deadlines

Rubbing shoulders with my UN buddies
With all my grand delusions unfurled
Australia’s not big enough for a man of my talents
I want to rule the world

But whilst I’m away on my UN junkets
Sucking up to Ban Ki-moon
The knives are being sharpened on the home front
There’s talk that I might be assassinated soon

So another year comes to an end
Next year I’m guaranteed to win a second election
But behind the smiles and high polls
There’s a simmering disaffection

Meanwhile….

The gloss is starting to wear off on Kevin
His last saving grace was his popularity
But with his poll numbers in decline in late 2009
There were cracks in the façade of solidarity

As we enter 2010, the murmurings become louder within the ALP.
The Coalition under Turnbull couldn’t gain any traction in the polls, but the Coalition’s aggressive new leader Tony Abbott promises to take the fight up to Rudd and Labor.
2010 will prove to be the most turbulent year ever in Australian politics.

Stay tuned for Part Four:

2010: ‘IS THAT A KNIFE IN MY BACK OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME'?!