Stephen Smith & Air Chief Marshal Angus Houston
Bruce Hawker's 'Little Black Book' has been found by a stranger on a city street, with the words 'Create a Smokescreen' highlighted. What was the 'smokescreen' reference?
Julia Gillard addresses her crestfallen troops.
Sick of the flak over the Carbon Tax, she's looking for fresh ideas to divert attention.
Thanks for coming, good morning team
We’re in the deepest shit you’ve ever seen
We’ve consulted the Hawker-Britton machine
And it’s sage advice? "Create a smokescreen"!
Any ideas? I don’t care how sleazy
Anybody got anything? What about you Albanese?
A rail line in western Sydney? No, far too cheesy
If we try that one again I’d feel most uneasy…
Swan stands up, head wobbling madly.
To divert attention from the hullabaloo
How about I dig out the Henry Tax Review?
I could say I’m looking at tax options anew
I could say these changes are long overdue
Gillard thumps the table in disgust.
Sit down & shut up Swan, you’re as thick as a brick
You really are a most ignorant prick
Although such a tactic is typical Labor shtick
Any new tax would give Abbott another free kick
All the vacant brains of the Labor caucus are stumped for ideas.
Come on you lot, is there any comprehension
Of how desperate I am to divert the attention?
Give me some ideas or I’ll cancel your pension
Remember the ALP code: lying is the mother of invention
We must get the Carbon Tax off the front page
To deviate the focus and appease people’s rage
We must act quickly before they all disengage
And we’ll all be asked to permanently exit the stage
A soft voice speaks up amidst the deafening silence and blank stares.
It’s Defence Minister Stephen Smith;
I think I might have something that’ll frighten the horses
A scandal of sorts in the Armed Defence Forces
We could leak the story through undisclosed sources
I’ll shout ‘this isn’t the type of behaviour Labor endorses’
Gillard seems impressed.
That’s it Smithy, that’ll be our great saviour
Now give me the details of this disgraceful behaviour
Smith is concerned he may have given his leader false hope.
Disgraceful? No not really, just a stupid male prank
But I’m sure if we tap into the Hawker-Britton think tank
We could find a good angle for which we can thank
And I’ll play the role of the short tempered crank
By this stage, Gillard is all systems go for Smith’s diversionary tactics.
With our primary vote as low as 30 per cent
We must appease the groundswell of discontent
Such a media beat up will be heaven sent
Smithy, please tell me your plan to misrepresent
Smith stands, realising this is his call to arms, his chance to shine.
He tells his dumbstruck colleagues of his master plan, straight from the Hawker-Britton textbook of Political Subterfuge.
I’ll order 6 enquiries to create ADFA cultural wars
I’ll create the biggest shit storm that no media ignores
I’ll get Angus on the phone as the hysteria soars
And say "Houston we have a problem… and mate, it’s all yours"!