944 DAYS

A Final Ode to ‘Quick Draw’ Rudd, the fastest spender in the West

25th June, 2010

Some things just aren’t meant to last.
They’re here, then gone, so sudden, so fast.
Arrive with a bang, then gone with velocity,
Just like my PM’ship, an historic atrocity.

Just 944 days ago I was voted in by the civilians,
And in those short few months I’ve spent $237 billion,
Most of it wasted, expediting my decline,
Completely stuffing up the budget bottom line.

I’ve done more backflips than a circus trapeze,
And slowly but surely I was put under the squeeze,
The Newspolls were slipping, nobody returning my calls,
And those miners slowly tightening the vice on my balls.

After just 944 days I can’t believe it, I’m gone,
Backstabbed by those turncoats, Gillard & Swan.
Factions came a’knocking: Arbib, Shorten, Feeney & Farrell.
They had me, those buggars, bent over a barrel.

A fake, a phony, no substance, no core.
Like a shooting star, I was here, then no more,
My Prime Ministership’s over, my entire career ending
And all I’ve got to show is 944 days of reckless spending.

How will I be remembered? What of the history book?
After my farewell speech today, both a crook and a sook.
I showed some emotion, even squeezed out a tear,
In a final vain effort to appear somewhat sincere.

But the charade is over, I’m overwhelmed with despair,
Not just kicked out, but replaced by a shiela with red hair!
Too verbose, too much hubris, I couldn’t break my bad habits,
And very soon the Prime Ministership will be Tony Abbott’s.