Kevin Rudd grasps the latest Newspoll and stares into the mirror as he laments 2010.
Where did it all go wrong?
21st February, 2010
Mirror mirror on the wall,
What the hell is with this mighty fall?
I was riding so high, but now I’ve sunk,
Being overshadowed by the mad monk!
Mirror: He’s not mad, he’s real. People hate fakes Kevin.
At the end of 09 it was all smooth sailing,
A free pass from the media despite all my failings.
Despite botch ups & blow outs & failures spectacular,
They left me alone because the polls said I’m popular.
Mirror: The media, and the public, has awoken to your long list of broken promises.
But 2010’s so far been a year of frustration,
That bald-headed rock star and that bloody insulation.
I threw billions at that scheme to keep the greenies happy,
But 4 inconvenient deaths and voters start to get crappy.
Mirror: 4 young people are dead due to you & Garrett’s incompetence.
So to appease the masses I went on Q&A with Tone,
The young folk, they love me, they’ll leave me alone,
But what’s with their difficult questions & the attitude I see?
I try to be transparent but they see right through me!
Mirror: A man with no convictions is soon exposed.
It now seems the media are on a search and destroy,
No thanks to my incompetent team and that moron Conroy,
Golfing with Packer & skiing with Stokes,
And all I get is a supper with Grattan & Oakes!
Mirror: Conroy is a dangerous fool. Enough said.
Garrett & Conroy, they’re making too much noise,
With the internet filter and jobs for the boys,
NBN cost blowouts, solar panels, pink batts & all that,
I miss the good old days as a do-nothing bureaucrat.
Mirror: Just like you, your ministers are out of their depth. Oh, and you’re still a do-nothing bureaucrat.
And in trying to appear like a sensitive new-age PM,
I eased border security laws, and Howard I did condemn,
But the number of asylum seeker boats just keep going up,
Maybe the boats have just gone off course in the America’s Cup!?
Mirror: No more lame excuses. Another policy failure, 54 boat people dead and Christmas Island full.
And they keep going on about the hospitals promises,
They expect me to keep my word? The doubting Thomas’s!
It sounded good at the time, I clearly remember the cheering,
And now I’m copping my right whack, this is what I’ve been fearing….
Mirror: You promised plenty, you’ve delivered very little.
I’ve still got the Global Warming scare to fill the shrinking coffers,
My “great big new tax”; Greens, I’m open for offers,
I need this one Penny, the Libs are a serious threat,
And I need to find a quick way to pay off $200B of debt….
Mirror: You are a failure Kevin. You’ve backed the wrong horse.
Ok, I get it, I’ll step up and tackle the media head-on,
And if they ask difficult questions I’ll make sure they’re tread on,
I’ll tackle the criticisms, the failures and the accusations of lies,
“Insiders”? You’re kidding? I’ll be with be Kochie & Mel on Sunrise.
Mirror: Serious political agenda on Sunrise? Pathetic. Everything about you, and your government, is pathetic.
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