Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Man Without Friends

Also known as “The Assassination of Kevin Rudd by the coward William Richard Shorten”

My dad always said it was a ridiculous sin
To pick a fight which you cannot win
Kevin Rudd never heeded the same advice
And his political demise was the ultimate price

A man without friends aligned to no factions
His hold on power was just a matter of fractions
Sound bites, press releases, endless distractions
A man is judged not by his words but by his actions

Rudd’s actions continually exposed his ineptitude
Riding high in the polls he was obnoxious and rude
Treated subordinates with contempt and disdain
While the polls remained high he was popping champagne

But you can’t fool all the people all of the time
And Rudd’s constant mistakes were far from sublime
Backflips, retractions, cost blow outs and waste
Soon the polls began sliding, and sliding with haste

The RSPT was Kevin’s last great big error
The miner’s united, they attacked him with terror
He’d signed his own death warrant with his own blood
And the headlines would soon read: “R.I.P. RUDD”

The man who couldn’t sell beer to an alcoholic
Was attacked and derided, with words vitriolic
The people stopped listening, he’d lost all traction
And was ridiculed as a man of all words, no action

Their internal polls showed Labor was in deep strife
Rudd was desperately holding on for dear life
Factions circled the wagons: Shorten, Arbib & Farrell
They quickly had Kevin bent over a barrel

So at a time one would normally call for support
To ensure this planned coup was but a fleeting thought
Rudd quickly realised he was friendless, alone
Forced to humiliatingly abdicate the throne

His ‘loyal’ deputy Julia stepped up to the plate
Ushered Rudd closer “Come here, trust me mate”
And with the blood on her hands as red as her hair
Thrust a knife in his back, a knife that’s still there

And that is the story of the late Kevin Rudd
Once flying so high, now back to earth with a thud
A government so incompetent, so arrogant and bloated
Yet Julia amazingly seems to be Teflon coated

The very same hands which are now covered in blood
Bear the same fingerprints that countersigned policy duds
The plaques which bear her name on the BER School Halls
Will be the lasting reminder once Julia falls

Her motherhood statements and generalisations
Mask an irrational idealist with socialist aspirations
As time passes the people will come to realise
She’s just another Labor leftie, full of bullshit and lies

And the moment this realisation comes to fruition
Shorten will take the next step on his self-absorbed mission
He’ll call on his hitmen once again to dislodge
To take Julia out and deliver him to the Lodge.


“The Assassination of Kevin Rudd by the coward William ‘Bill’ Richard Shorten” is now a major Motion Picture produced by United (Bullshit) Artists and directed by Quentin Tarantino (the master of bloodshed).


Jim Carrey as Kevin Rudd (The critics say “Only Carrey could portray the many faces and personalities of Rudd and maintain the facade to the very end”.)
Nicole Kidman as Julia Gillard (“With her flaming red hair, Nicole is perfect as the heartless & conniving Gillard and delivers one of the big screen’s legendary ‘bitch’ performances”.)
Hugh Grant as Bill Shorten (“It wasn’t too much of a stretch for Grant to play a man lacking character, a man devoid of ethics, a man totally obsessed with himself”.)
Bill Murray as Wayne Swan (“Murray is hilarious as Swan, perfectly capturing the essence of Swan’s nothingness”.)
Jack Nicholson as Lindsay Tanner (“Looks tough, sounds tough, but shows his age and looks tired. Aced it!”)
Russell Crowe as Anthony Albanese (“Another ‘headkicker without a cause’ role, right up Crowe’s alley”.)
Val Kilmer as Craig Emerson (“Kilmer is renowned as irrational, self-important, reckless, erratic. Perfect choice”.)
Chevy Chase as Mark Arbib (“Chase perfectly reprises his role as “The Invisible Man”.)
Winona Ryder as Maxine McKew (“Who better to play a flash in the pan, ‘here today gone tomorrow’ much-ridiculed character lacking substance and credibility?!”)
Jude Law as Tony Abbott (“Law looks great in an opening scene walking on the beach in his board shorts. Delivers a performance of strength, leadership, decisiveness, honesty and manliness”.)
Daniel Craig as Barnaby Joyce (“Craig called upon his experience as James Bond spending the entire movie dodging the barbs and insults of Shorten, Gillard and Swan. Uses his intellect & wit to come out a clear winner”.)
Michael Caine as John Howard (“A brilliant cameo role by a great elder statesman, playing a great elder statesman”.)

Stay tuned for the sequel....

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