Arthur McArthur

Kevin Rudd swears he’s the best man for the job
8th June 2010

I swear my difficult childhood did me no harm,
I swear I slept in a car when we were kicked off the farm.

I swear I’ve always been honest in all of my work,
I swear I didn’t have dinners with Brian Burke.

I swear I stay away from grog & strippers & whores,
I swear I didn’t see a thing when I got pissed at Scores.

I swear I’m fair-minded with factions and won’t cause a stink,
I swear I really “don’t care what you fu#@ers think”

I swear I’m tough and resilient, a real modern man,
I swear I didn’t need a hairdryer in Afghanistan.

I swear I’m as kind and considerate as you can guess,
I swear I didn’t yell abuse at that RAAF stewardess.

I swear I’ll present like a statesman on ‘Sunday Night’
I swear it’s a tough job, I swear it’s a “shit fight”.

I swear I’ll turn back the boats, makes laws more to my liking,
I swear I didn’t do a special deal with the Oceanic Viking.

I swear I’ll cop all the criticism that this job brings,
I swear at New Ltd executives for not printing nice things.

I swear it’s a challenging job, you must understand,
I swear it might look easy in “7.30 Report land”.

I swear my diplomacy skills would never cause a ruckus,
I swear those “Chinese fu%#ers are trying to Rat F*%k us”.

I swear I pay no attention to polls, even the last ones that sucked,
I swear that if you don’t vote for me, you can “go and get fu#@ed”!