Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Gang of Four

The Song Remains the Same
28th June 2010

(A Brief History of Music and the ill-fated short-lived Australian band known as the ‘Gang of Four’)

The ‘Gang of Four’s’ first album was called ‘A Platform of Change’
But it soon became apparent that their ‘platform’ was deranged.
Their lead singer appeared a cleanskin, although he gave people the sh1ts,
And they promised their first album would be full of ‘Greatest Hits’.

As it became obvious their ‘songs’ weren’t hits, the hit-squad quickly pounced,
The ‘music charts’ had flatlined, it’d been months since they’d bounced.
The ‘songs’ the ‘Gang of Four’ played stank, there was a rancid linger,
But rather than change the tune, they just changed the lead singer.

Replace a dud with another dud, people know when they’ve been stitched,
The fans aren’t stupid, they realised they changed Darrin on ‘Bewitched’.
Put on make-up, flash a smile, enjoy the media honeymoon,
But the exercise is pointless if you keep playing the same old tune.

New singers impart their imprimatur when they’ve just started,
But they were still a Mötley Crüe even after Vince Neil departed.
When Genesis drummer Phil Collins replaced singer Peter Gabriel,
Their music remained impeccable, and nobody could tell.

Loud and fast, drums were smashing, guitars were a wailin’,
Long after David Lee Roth left the band, they were still Van Halen.
Ozzie Osbourne quit Black Sabbath, replaced by Ronnie James Dio,
But when you went to their concert, it was still the same rockin’ show.

Rob Halford walked out on Judas Priest, so they hired a tribute singer,
An impersonator, he sounded identical: he was an absolute dead-ringer.
When Bon Scott had one too many drinks and left this mortal coil,
AC/DC soldiered on with a sound no one could spoil.

When Steve Perry decided his great Journey had come to an end,
He’d left a catalogue of great songs on which the band could depend.
J.D. Fortune won a TV show to replace Hutchence in INXS,
He just sang the hits, played the game, and enjoyed great success.

The original band, the ‘Gang of Four’, wrote a lot of songs,
But when you listened carefully, they were full of wrongs.
They looked good on paper, but they sounded quite atrocious,
And when the faceless men pounced, it was swift, it was ferocious.

Before the execution was complete, the ‘Gang of Four’ were quite prolific,
Spewing out ‘songs’ by the hundreds, they thought they were all terrific.
But the reality was they’re tone deaf, their ‘songs’ stank, they didn’t chart,
And ructions in the gang appeared, they soon began to fall apart.

Whenever a ‘song’ by the ‘Gang of Four’ came on radio or TV,
People switched off, they’d had enough, they couldn’t help but all agree:
Rework a few lyrics, change attire, remix the same old sound,
But on playback after playback no trace of credibility could be found.

The ‘Gang of Four’ had no idea, ‘songs’ so putrid people won’t forget,
Now Rudd is gone, Tanner is gone, they’re just a talentless duet.
‘The Gang of Four’ is history, their performance a disgrace,
Now we’re left with Gillard on lead vocals and Swan strumming on the bass.

The history of music teaches us, as undeniable evidence mounts,
It’s not who’s behind the microphone, but the quality of the ‘song’ that counts.
So the ALP heavies, and the union thugs, got rid of Kevin Rudd,
But the songs remain identical, and the whole album is a dud!

If the music’s good, the fans unite and accept the band’s new voice,
But the whole episode can turn quite sour if they make a stupid choice.
To further express my point of view, I asked old rocker Abbott for a hand:
“The only way you can remove the stench is to remove the entire band”.

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