BOB BROWN'S GOT ME BY THE BALLS

By Julia Gillard

What the hell has happened to the new paradigm?
It’s now Labor & the Greens, new partners in crime
It’s been one of politics most bizarre spectacles
And Bob Brown’s got a firm grip on my testicles!

I can’t make a move without Bob’s confirmation
Any sudden moves could lead to my immediate castration
He’s all about spending, no more budget cuts
And he’s intensifying his vice-like grip on my nuts!

I feel powerless even though I’m the Prime Minister
And Bob and his Green cult appear evil and sinister
As Bob’s clan gather around & worship him like a totem
His knuckles turn white due to his grip on my scrotum!

He’s played me into a position of impuissance
And whenever he speaks I’m forced to sit down and listen
I have to shmooze up to him & pretend that we’re besties
But the closer I get intensifies his grip on my testes!

I’d embraced Bob’s latest demand before I could say ‘pardon’?
Now I’m committed to putting a price on carbon
Any retreat now would make me look extremely foolish
Yet another example of Bob’s grasp of my goolies!

My colleagues realise that I’m a slave to the Greens
And our re-election hopes are blown to smithereens
But I’m unable to respond, I cannot take their calls
And it’s all because Bob Brown’s got me by the balls!