I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP!

As Gillard stood proudly in front of Congress
Her red hair & coat bright and glistening
She cleared her throat and started her speech
Problem was: nobody was listening

Dems & Republican’s shifted in their seats
The silence was deafening as she started
A hum of boredom permeated the room
You could’ve heard if a mouse had farted

Away she went on her droning way
Her voice echoing through the chamber
The look of angst on American faces
“Will she ever stop? Is there any danger”?!

She recited tales from somebody's childhood
And Bono's memories of a man on the moon
But her annoying vocals bounced off the walls
With the penetration of a contrabassoon

All of a sudden there was a stop in proceedings
The yanks jumped to their feet with rapturous applause
But much to their huge disappointment
It was no more than a momentary pause

They only clapped because they thought she was finished
They were shattered when she resumed her speech
A fast thinking clerk reached for the constitution
“Is there a rule about foreign leaders being impeached”?

She continued on with stories of mateship
And nonsensical tales of the ANZUS treaty
The speaker of the house was frantically writing
Actually, he was vandalising his desk with graffiti

As he scratched ‘B O R E D’ on his desk with a penknife
The room was slowly filling with rage
Then she stopped and they jumped to their feet again
But she was simply turning over the page

Once again there was a moment of silence
And the gallery earnestly stood and cheered
But as the murmur of clapping dissipated
It was just as they had all feared

The fact was she wasn’t finished at all
She paused for effect and was catching her breath
Obama muttered “I can’t believe I invited her here,
This’ll lead to my political death”

The standing ovations were under false pretence
They stood & clapped because they thought she was done
And each standing ovation was louder & longer
Because she was closer to the end than when she begun

They despondently resumed to their seats
“Can you please pass the ‘eau de vie’,
This woman’s voice is so goddam annoying
It’s bringing a tear to my eye”

Then at last it was over, she’d finished
And this final ovation was louder and stronger
Tears streamed down the cheeks of John Boehner as he said
“What a relief she won’t be PM for much longer”

So any tears were borne of frustration
And disbelief at Obama’s mistake
“I thought Kevin was boring and full of bullcrap
But that ‘ranga’ sure takes the cake”