KILL KEVIN

They should’ve properly killed Kevin when they had the chance
But they settled for a combination of horror and romance
As the faceless men & Gillard acted on feelings of repulse
They cut Rudd off at the head but he still had a pulse

Rather than do the job properly with a complete assassination
They treated him with a strange mix of hatred and veneration
They deposed of the King in a plot both evil and most sinister
But then allowed him to stay on as our Foreign Minister

She says “Mr Rudd is a valued member of my front bench”
But Gillard could not and will not remove the deadly stench
So now Rudd sets his own agenda as he travels around the globe
The dull ache of revenge throbbing in his temporal lobe

Calling press conferences and sending out countless press releases
Rudd’s display of narcissism and egomania never ceases
They should’ve terminated Rudd in a plot most horrendous
Now Gillard can’t rein him in and he’s setting the agendas

Telling world super powers how to act and what to do
“I’m Kevin from Australia and I’m here to help you”
The little nerdy bloke from Australia is truly testing their patience
As he positions himself for a cushy job with the United Nations

They had their chance, the faceless men, to do a proper job on Rudd
To kill him off for good and rid us of the inept dud
But they blinked, they baulked, they resisted the final fatal blow
Rudd dodged a bullet, bided time and secured an escrow

Gillard had promised Rudd his beloved Foreign Affairs position
And slowly but surely Kevin plotted his own vengeful mission
Knowing full well Gillard hung on to power by a margin very slim
He made sure her first term as Prime Minister would be all about him

Passing himself off as Australia’s voice on the international stage
Ridiculing Gillard and the government and causing angst and rage
Described by Labor insiders as being “out of control”
Rudd soldiers on, his recalcitrance verified by Newspoll

For reasons I cannot understand Rudd retains a high approval
More reasons why they should’ve done a proper job of his removal
By remaining in a high profile job Rudd is clearly redefining
The meaning of disloyalty, subversion and undermining

So the man who destroyed our country in a manner unparalleled
Is extracting his own vengeance and making Gillard’s tenure hell
To use Tony Abbott’s words to stress my point in a manner animated
Labor should’ve seen to it that Rudd was “dead, buried, cremated”

For as long as he’s a minister he’ll be running his own race
Acting in a manner described as “irrational” “disgusting” “a disgrace”
They’ve allowed this megalomaniac to undermine the ALP
And left themselves open to ridicule as Rudd spruiks “Look at me”

So to the faceless men and union hacks who brought Rudd to his knees
I ask of you, I plead of you, I’m begging you to please
Do a hatchet job on Julia, and take Rudd with her in the fall
Kill off Swan as well, and Wong also, please rid us of them all

The waste, the lies, the incompetence, it’s not what we deserve
It’s blatantly clear this useless Government is not fit to serve
So do the job, assassinate, many a bloody Labor death
But this time do it properly: no pulse, heartbeat or breath

R.I.P. LABOR

*All references to assassinations, death, fatal blows etc, are purely metaphorical

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